A Monk...

magnetic symbiosis

2012-01-28T13:59:00.000-06:00

this january 31st marks my 5 years in the States. this journey brought so many things into my life. excitements, happiness, peace, friendships, learning, opportunities, diversity, knowledge, conflicts, discrimination, sadness, nostalgia, identity, awareness.. and countless other things. i've traveled over 70,000 miles (110,000 kms). i've seen most beautiful, serene landscapes, and breathing taking views. i met, have known, made friends with a wide variety of diverse people. while doing so, i've drawn lot of inner conflict from my family, my roots that i've started to grow apart from.

the pressures from home have become relentless. all the compelling urges to move back, to help balance my family, to be close to them, to make my parents happy.. they made me restless. at this very time, came the time for extension of my visa (which should be a smooth sail). the confrontation was unavoidable. after much deliberate thought, i am beginning to see the symbiosis of life in an all new perspective.

when i left home five years ago, i hadn't carried my life over with me along on this journey. i simply paused my life (my friendships, family relationships and travelling adventures in India), leaving it in a state to be resumed. bringing along that life with me on this journey was monumentally impossible. since this journey began, i have been living a new different life. only after an year or two, my life back home started squirming for attention. i had hoped i will be able to merge these two lives someday. my every attempt to bring them together, ended in repelling friction. like bringing two magnets together in wrong directions. they pushed each other away with a great, invisible force. as time went by, it became really apparent that it is impossible to bring them together. i was in denial. and the confrontation to choose between was inevitable. if i shut my eyes, and ask myself which one to choose, the answer comes screaming to me: to go home, and to resume my life in India. when i open my eyes, though, i get conflicting answers.

but this conflict has gone on long enough, and i must choose. so, i am choosing. choosing wholeheartedly. to go back home. doing so, i realize i will be spinning one of the magnets a 180, and they should fling together (if my understandings of life are any true). i look forward to being close to family, friendships, opportunities, travelling my lands, festivals, food, the chaos, starting the ground work for my school idea.. and occasional visits from the friends i made in the new world.

speak of new year and the changes it brings eh? this decision will be tested, as i work through selling the house, car and possessions, leave a really great job, leave all the amazing friends i made here, leave all the wonderful landscapes.. as i take this grand turn in my life, i hope for the best.

to life, and its resolutions. cheers!

laws of nature

2012-01-23T10:41:00.000-06:00

picture a gigantic, humongous fig/banyan tree. picture a sprout growing slowly from the ground, into a tiny plant, with the change of seasons. in due time, the plant growing to a tiny tree and its fresh leaves attracting visitors - birds, and critters.

now, pan down into the depths of soil and imagine the roots. roots of that tiny tree being entangled, and engulfed by the big tree's. if the absence of any tiny plants/trees around the big tree is a suggestion, this tiny tree will eventually be engulfed, and integrated into the big tree, as if it didn't even exist.

with it so connected to its roots, not having the powers to outgrow or grow away from the big tree, or to turn into those critters/birds and fly away... whats the tiny tree to do? the big tree's roots are twisting, and crushing. whats the tiny tree to do?

a look back on 2011

2012-01-03T23:39:00.003-06:00

continuing my tradition of writing yearly overviews. it may not be that bad of an idea to look back on all these yearly pieces someday. yep, i knew you'd agree.

like last couple of years, i started off this year too with a house party at a friend's house. my buddy, Victor DJed at this party, and all of us had a good time until we were tire, till 6am. although it was an year ago, it seems like it was yesterday somehow.

this year's highlight, for me, is CouchSurfing. as part of my search for like minded people, i started becoming active in CouchSurfing. active, i did become. it is a great group of young people that are so curious, energetic and enthusiastic about travelling the world, and having fun in the process. i fit right in, and had many many good times with the Minneapolis CouchSurfing group this year. through CouchSurfing, i did many new things, and met many many new people. i went to two CouchFests (Twin Cities and Madison), a week long backpacking/hiking/canoeing/camping trip, 3/4 road trips, went to the Guthrie Theater to watch a play (my first one in US), countless house parties and get togethers.. lets just say, its been a really really fun year. i watched many movies too this year, thanks to Netflix and Minneapolis Film Festival. i also did the polar plunge this year, and that was fun. i might be doing it again soon.

i got promoted at work towards the end of the year. worked on some really good projects too. its good to be part of such a dynamic, growing company. been a rough ride sometimes, but an enjoyable one.

i also went home for 2 weeks in the spring. a bit of a whirlwind trip, and to its name, it stirred up lot of things about my possible "marriage" and such. this whole year has been a roller-coaster ride in terms of that. almost every conversation with family, through the year, turned out to be an argument and a fight to get my way with my life. but, i hope i've been able to express what i wanted to, to my family.

as i was living away my life with all these fun events, busy work and personal conflicts, something great happened on my birthday this year. i met a special someone. someone i've been looking for long long time. without saying much, lets just say, my year ended on a fantastic note. as i look forward to get to know her more in the new year, i wish you all a wonderful happy new year.

have a good life!

conversational films

2011-12-25T20:03:00.000-06:00

few years ago i saw a movie, Once. it was a great movie set in Dublin. the beauty of the movie was its simplicity in the story, and dialog. very conversational, close to reality, day-to-day things.. another movie that belongs to similar genre is, All the Days Before Tomorrow.

an year or so ago i came across another film, Waking Life, and ended up really liking it. it revolves around lot of conversations and ideas about life. a bit philosophical in nature, but very thought provoking movie. i was browsing my Netflix today, and saw a recommendation for another movie, Before Sunset. as it was going to expire by 1st of Jan, i figured i'd watch it. as the movie progressed, i started recognizing the story telling, conversational patterns of the movie and after a bit of looking up, it turned out the write/director is the same guy that did Waking Life - Richard Linklater. i finished watching it and really liked the movie, and decided watching the movie before that as well, Before Sunrise. Linklater's story telling is really intriguing, and there is lot of talking-with-a-movie feel, than watching-a-movie feel to them. i became a fan.

anyway, thinking about all these and watching these movies is making me really get on that idea of starting on my short film this year. well, i better get on the story/screenplay atleast. i was talking to a coworker that does short films, and i think i am going to work on it this year.

first rain of the spring

2011-12-08T22:39:00.000-06:00

one of the many facets of life is normality; routine.
getup, eat something, go to work, go to bed.. and do it all over again.
living in a place and time in life.. things get very predictable.

and one day, in come rolling the thick dark clouds. the air gets heavy, suffocating you.
weather puts a new coat of smell; bringing with, the taste of soil from the earth beneath us.
ominous and gloomy at its outset, souls scurry away, sparing from the impending doom;
such is the start of difficulties in life. a darkening, dimming view of the days to come.

to add to such overwhelming view, the clouds start to rumble.
slowly building up to only scream and roar with the highest pitch.
such powerful thunders, the earth shakes, scattering the remaining souls.
as they hold on to their dear lives, out come the beastly winds testing the grips.

as all the living souls hide away, one stands with arms open.
smelling the offerings the troop of clouds are to shower upon.
turning slowly looking up, awaits the coming of the heavenly storms.
only a drenched soul will know whats after such menacing sight.

blip blip.. down come the raindrops, like soft kisses of the clouds above.
what started as a sprinkling shower, picks up pace and begins to downpour.
the clouds roar and rumble again.. not being able to contain anymore,
they shower all the rains they brought with, like lovers meeting after long absence.

they wash away all the dirt and scatter all the weakened things,
rejuvenating the soul and body, leaving them clean and strong.

so came the rain into my spring, the long pending first rain for this life.
after months and years of being torn by the storm winds, still withholding;
i close my eyes awaiting the refreshing heavenly showers, and here they are;
the tiny sprinkles of spring rain, picking up their pace...

reassuring the strength of the rains they brought, the clouds rumble again.
sparking the entire sky, rattling the ground, explodes a thunder bolt.
lighting up the whole world view, thus strikes the lightening...

new season

2011-11-15T23:24:00.001-06:00

it is time for new season. although unfortunately the brutal cold winter, it is beginning.

i ate some warm rice with mango pickle, and ghee a bit ago and it reminds me yet again, that the most simplest things are most joyful. i haven't been able to eat rice since 5 days, as i had 3 teeth extracted last Thursday. biggest surgery (of sorts) ever in my life. i guess i recovered pretty quick, without much swelling and bleeding. i was at work next day and that is a good sign, right?

from past few days, the urge to write a Telugu story is growing. although i am not able to begin writing at the moment, i am reading some new Chalam books i ordered. hope i can get to writing that story(ies) before i lose that fire. then again, with winter here, i guess i should be able to scribble it down.

things at work have been busy, especially with the increased responsibilities. working on something really exciting and will even get to travel to NYC for that. so, really excited about that. also, thinking of future travel plans: a week trip to New Mexico in Feb, and a 2 week trip to New England in the fall. hope i can make those happen.

did you notice the hodge-podge of things in this thread? me too.

inner conflict

2011-10-18T17:55:00.001-05:00

parents, their expectations, the pressure, disappointment, tears... a heavy burden to bear, mentally. time and again, things happen so, they make me want to lunge back "home". the stress makes me want to cave in. it happened in the past, and many times.

unfortunately for me, i am standing on the edge of the reality cliff and do not have the guts to jump off it. i could ignore all the outcry, and live my life happily as always. but that is starting to reek of selfishness, yet it is that solid standing cliff that i built my life on.

this inner conflict is killing me.

beautiful weather!

2011-10-08T00:11:00.001-05:00

its been an amazing one week of autumn/fall in Minneapolis. especially today. the wind is still blowing, and the beautifully yellow colored leaves flying all over the places.. the sounds of the flailing trees.. making for an amazing night.

gotten back a bit ago from a 6 mile long bicycle ride, which was kinda awesome.

opening up the bottle

2011-10-06T23:12:00.002-05:00

heart and soul. two simple words that describe a person. if there is a way to see (or express) one's heart or soul, it is through mind. to simply put it, in the bottle of life are heart and soul, capped with mind. you have an open mind, you have an open heart and open soul. when you open up your life, there is so much you can give to the world, and so much you can learn from.

don't keep a closed mind, your life will suffocate. open up once in a while, let your heart expand, let your soul breathe, let your life revive.

Kholo Kholo Darwaze

2011-09-26T00:12:00.000-05:00

this is another of my favorite songs from the movie Taare Zameen Par. although i heard it many times, didn't quite pay attention to the lyrics up until couple of weeks ago. i was driving on the freeway with all the windows down on a great sunny day, and this song came on the stereo. the beauty of the lyrics, music and its essence just hit the spot.

full song and English translation at: http://www.taarezameenpar.com/track2.htm

Kholo Kholo Darwaze
Parde Karo Kinare
Khuntey Se Bandhi Hai Hawa
Mil Ke Chhudao Saare

Aajao Patang Leke
Apney Hi Rang Leke
Aasmaan Ka Shamiyana
Aaj Hamein Hai Sajana

Kyun Is Kadar Hairaan Tu
Mausam Ka Hai Mehmaan Tu
O, Duniya Sajee Tere Liye
Khud Ko Zara Pehchaan Tu

Tu Dhoop Hain Jham Se Bikhar
Tu Hai Nadee O Bekhabar
Beh Chal Kahin Ud Chal Kahin
Dil Khush Jahan Teri Toh Manzil Hai Wahin

housekeeping

2011-09-24T11:21:00.001-05:00

phew, what a busy summer. it surprises me every time i think about how quickly this year has gone by. i mean, we are already at the end of September? oh, whats that you say? i already said this before? shussh!

anyway, i am not exactly sure what was the trigger but, i have gotten in to the housekeeping mode with life. from small little things like cleaning up my social network thingies to selling off my motorcycle.

one day as i was facebooking, i realized i had about 450+ people in my friends' list. half of them hardly ever say a thing to me on there! its like having ton of things in your house that you don'y use, ever! so, i started tidying up that list and cut down to some 200 people that actually keep in touch. i felt like a jerk, but it somehow felt better to be left with genuine friendships or those that care to keep in touch. so is the case with twitter and google+.

then came getting rid of unused email accounts. i owned: 3 gmail, 3 yahoo, 1 hotmail and 1 rediff accounts. i guess they piled up since the last 11yrs since i came in contact with the interwebs. so, started deactivating accounts i don't use much anymore.

the relief in making interwebs-life lighter, inspired me to get rid of some things that i own too. so, after couple of weeks efforts, finally was able to sell my Ducati. i felt very bad letting that go, but i was happy that it went to a good owner. then, i got rid of some bulky camping gear, clothes and some more things that i don't use anymore. it feels great to cleanup. i get a sense that i am preparing for a big adventure or journey. so, its kinda awesome.

having said that, i wish i was doing the actual housekeeping (with the house). the dishes in the sink and unvacuumed floors are staring me down as i write this.

happy housekeeping everyone.

Tanha Dil

2011-09-07T11:09:00.000-05:00

an all time favorite song of mine. tells the tale of a young man who is walking along in to future, with the memories of past, friends, and home. i have first seen it about 12yrs ago and was attached to it the first time. it has kinda been my lucky song. as in, on every big step/decision of my life, i coincidentally came across this song. beautiful song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ88ZRODkiE

Aankhon mein sapne liye..

Ghar se hum chal to diye..

Jaane yeh raahein ab le jaayengi kahan..

Mitti ki khushboo aaye..
Palkon pe aansu laaye..
Palkon pe reh jaayega yaadon ke jahan..

Manzil nayi hai anjaana hai kaarvaan..

Chalna akele hai yahan..

Tanha dil, tanha safar..
Dhoonde tujhe phir kyoon nazar..

గీతాంజలి

2011-09-04T23:35:00.003-05:00

ఆమనీ.. పాడవే.. హాయిగా..

మూగవై పోకు ఈ వేళ..

రాలేటి పూల రాగాలతో..

పూసేటి పూల గంధాలతో..

మంచు తాకి కోయిల..

మౌనమైన వేళల..

beautiful song from Geetanjali movie. perfect for the weather in Minneapolis tonight.

busy summer!

2011-08-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

august 22nd already? phew. what a busy and fast summer. i saw that its been a while since i scribbled something here. so, just thought i'd drop in a note.

this summer reminds of a lot of my first summer in Minnesota. just like then, i am really busy going around a lot. mostly because of me becoming active in CouchSurfing. i had great time attending lot of CouchSurfing events this summer including Madison Couch Crash, one week backpacking trip, and lot more local events. i also did my annual South Dakota trip. although it was just a weekend trip (20+hrs of drive), it still was a peaceful and settling trip. i guess thats what being on the road does to me. that too, going with a good friend i made recently.

on personal note, i am forging on with the decisions i made. its going to hurt a bit (to my near and dear), but the new shoes must be broken in. so, thats that.

on a side note, its a bit strange that i can't think of much else to say, although there is so much happening. a phenomena i tend to suffer from often, of late. i digress.

సిరివెన్నెల సాహిత్యం

2011-06-25T16:12:00.004-05:00

ఇవ్వేళ ఈ పాట వింటుంటే, సిరివెన్నెల సీతారామ శాస్త్రి గారి రచనలని పొగడకుండా ఉండలేకపోయాను.

అదే సమయంలో, ఆశు కవిత్వంలాగా నా జీవితంతో చక్కగా సరిపోయేట్టు అనిపించింది.

అందుకే, ఈ పాటలోనించి కొన్ని లైన్లు మీ కోసం.

జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది, ఏకాకి జీవితం నాది

సంసార సాగరం నాదే సన్యాసం శూన్యం నాదే

కవినై కవితనై భార్యనై భర్తనై

మల్లెల దారిలో మంచు ఎడారిలో

పన్నీటి జయగీతాల కన్నీటి జలపాతాల

నాతో నేను అనుగమిస్తూ నాతో నేనే రమిస్తూ

ఒంటరినై అనవరతం కంటున్నాను నిరంతరం

కలల్ని కధల్ని మాటల్ని పాటల్ని

రంగుల్ని రంగావల్లుల్ల్ని కావ్య కన్యల్ని ఆడ పిల్లల్ని

my garden of life

2011-06-17T23:59:00.004-05:00

i walk in the wilds, forests, collecting seeds of the beautiful, stimulating things.
i sow and nurture them in my garden, and let nature take its course.
amusing myself with the play of soil, water, sun, wind and visiting bees.
o visiting bee, this is my garden. this is my world. this is my life.

truly, with love,
your gardener.

letting go

2011-05-30T13:36:00.001-05:00

why is it so hard for parents to let their kids do their own thing? i am a 28 year old working man, in a different continent from my home. at this time in my life, i am in the thickest of struggle with my family. i simply would like to go on and do my own thing, live my life in a way i prefer. my parents would rather have me do things as they'd like, consult/discuss everything i do with them, go down the arranged marriage route. not that i hadn't thought of doing it, but after few years of doing it their way, i couldn't handle the conflicts, displeasure, stigma about "acceptance-of-society" (especially of one that i don't even live in anymore). so, i am scuffling to break away.

granted, my family hails from a small village, and we are farmers. there is not a whole lot of worldly education and many things about life are perceived from a rather narrow vision. i, on the other hand, am a bit of a curious learner for my own good. my liberal ideas for life, are colossal conflicts with my parents' views for my life. all the repeated conversations and arguments to help them understand my view, only left them with utter disappointment and angst.

a kid must be let to fall, only so he can getup and be able to walk. a kid must be let go, so he can learn to balance the cycle by himself. all the birds fly away one day. we learn these lessons from life over and over again. yet, we fail to see those lessons being useful at every step. i do not blame them or me. it is just two different perspectives that neither overlap slightly, nor are willing to. my eventual decision to move on and find my own way, even if it means hurting my parents now, might seem like i disrespect my parents. i think that is where most of their disappointment stems from. on the other hand, i highly regard and respect my parents. but i regard being true to oneself highly than anything else. at this point, i sit on the edge of a giant question mark, jittering. i know where i am going, and what must i do.

"mom, dad, let go. i have to go. and i will be fine."

connecting back

2011-05-05T00:08:00.000-05:00

never did it occur to me, but connecting with long lost friends from the past is one of the best things. especially when you have some really fond memories with them. it gets me excited in ways i can never think of.

just last week, i got hold of a friend. we haven't been able to speak in almost 7 years now. we caught up on what we've been upto, and talked about those good old times. one of the things that i remember about my friend is her big smile. she smiles as though it defines her. and it does. my friend remembered, very fondly, the poems i used to write and share with her. surprise and pure happiness was all i left with, when she mentioned she still has two of the poems i gave her. she was kind enough to offer to send them to me. i will be posting them soon here.

it amazes me, how some friends become such good memories in life. i wish happiness to all the friends out there, old ones, new ones and the wonderful thing that is friendship. happy friendships everyone.

The Tree

2011-05-04T23:53:00.000-05:00

just came back from watching The Tree at International Film Fest in Minneapolis. fabulous film. the story, cast, sensitivity, photography.. just about everything of the movie is great. reminded me of childhood. especially playing on and around the tree, trying to water, save the tree. very well written and well made story. Simone is my favorite character, and actor from this movie. she did wonderful for her age, and for her powerful character.

i just didn't wanted to leave after the movie. it ends with a cyclone, and as i stepped out of the theater, the weather was somewhat windy and chilly. so, it felt like a nice continuation of the story. i totally recommend watching it if you get a chance.

cheers

there and back again

2011-04-25T22:34:00.002-05:00

its been over a week since I came back from India. short, but a really good trip. with travelling itself taking about 3-4 days, i had only about 10 days that i could actually spend with family and friends.

spent the first few days just with parents, in my village. it was just relaxing to let go of all, and be in that simple village life again. i visited my dad's farm lands. met lot of relatives and dad's friends. i probably ate my weight through out the trip. the food was phenomenal, thanks to all the family that had me over for lunches and dinners..

although i wasn't able to meet all, i did meet few friends. was fantastic to see vijay, chinni, savi, venkat, sudhakar, and some other high school buddies. good number of them mentioned i've become calmer and collective, a change i've been noticing in myself too. for me, it was good to be around my old friends again.

hyderabad, my village and in general many things didn't seem to have changed at all. except, everything seems to have become more expensive. the conflict and turmoil of splitting the state stares right in everyday life's face. i hope things calm down, and we decide to stay together as one state. i hope, wish and pray that people will be more sensible about it, than being influenced by the politicians' dark propagandas. wishing the best to telugu speaking people.

i flew through Abu Dhabi this time, in Etihad Airways. their service and hospitality were great! on my way back, it was day time as i was flying over dubai and rest of the desert country. the aerial view of the desert and the sail shaped control tower at airport, inspired me to think about travelling to the Arab lands sometime. thinking of another travel idea, i got really excited. daydreaming about it while i waited for my connecting flight.

so, with such a good trip home, here i am. back in minneapolis and ready for summer. with India's cricket world cup win, i am inspired to play cricket again. so starting a cricket club at work. looking forward to motorcycle riding, camping, barbecues, road trips, and all the other activities summer brings out.

woot and out!

hola

2011-03-27T10:47:00.001-05:00

i woke up lazily (or still in bed writing this) on this sunday morning, after i spent most of the day yesterday at, overnight website challenge. it was a great day and time well spent helping out with arrangements for a big non-profit event organized by my company.

that does make me realize, how i am keeping busy. it is definitely engaging and fun to explore new nooks and corners, and try new things. with that, also comes the strong reminder of home. with that, and an alarming phone conversation with mom, i finally made up my mind to pay a visit home.

i will be going home after 2 years and thoroughly excited. it will be awesome seeing family and friends after long time. just to be in the hot summers, breathe the fresh air in my village, walk in my dad's farm lands.. just can't wait. and i have been dying for the best food in the world: mom's homemade food. and the mangoes.

by this time next week, i will be half way home. hurray!

anand, is my name.

2011-02-27T14:23:00.000-06:00

there are some times and days in life that go just right. its as though, i've been living up my name: being happy. being joyful. i feel thankful for having the friends i have and for the life i can live as if the moment.

joy!

new days. new times.

2011-01-09T12:48:00.000-06:00

like the fresh and anew spring after a weary winter, this new year brought lots of pleasant changes. i ended last year and started this year with cool bunch of people.

i moved into my new place in mid december and loving living by myself, and setting up the place slowly. its an all new experience in itself. its just fun. thanks to all the friends that been helping me out whenever i needed an extra hand. can't wait to start having friends over for dinners, movies, games and stuff like that. woot woot.

i also took up a bet of no-meat, no-drinking for the whole month of january, as a result of a funny conversation with a buddy at work. being that i am almost into third of the month now, i kinda feel pretty good about it. we'll see how i hold up all month.

i know its a little late, but wish you all a happy new year.

all in all

2010-12-11T13:28:00.001-06:00

i've always liked the phrase "all in all". a nice way of balancing out the odds and evens, and sum up the state of a situation.

so, amidst all i had going on over last couple of months, i.e. crazy work busy, being sick, heartaches, family stuff, some bad news, realizations, looking for a new place to move to, cold weather.. sigh.. what a ride. there were moments of it, where i thought i may go insane! on the other hand, i did make some new friends through that very time. been doing what i like doing the most: spending time with few good people in conversations, cooking, going out and all.

all in all, it is rewarding and strengthening.

Planet Earth

2010-11-29T20:55:00.001-06:00

just watching Earth, the condensed feature length documentary from Planet Earth series, and am dumbfounded. spectacular stories of fellow species, seasons, nature, mother earth.. i am just awestruck. thousands of miles of treks by elephants, buffalo herds.. courage of birds that even defeats the heights of Mount Everest..

inexplicable connection of nature and its elements.. simply leaves me amazed. how can i get back to the alternative reality we created for ourselves, the advanced monkeys, tomorrow?

dirty carrots

2010-11-07T18:56:00.002-06:00

this might seem like a repetitive topic of my blogs lately. but, it is hard to understand this. its about 'living truly'.

we idealize love, friendship, humanity, emotions, trust and many other things in books, stories and other forms. some of them are so beautifully depicted, it leaves the viewer/reader with contented emotions. maybe with with a heavy heart, in some cases, but still a heartfelt emotion. people dream of attaining those relationships, love, emotions and perhaps know that is where true humane beauty lies.

but in reality, we consider those very feelings, emotions cheesy, unrealistic and look at them skeptically. we numb those feelings with intense thoughts, hide them, add twisted purposes to them. we just distant ourselves from those very innate things, that makes us human, and try to run towards becoming something else. perhaps we succeeded in that process to a good extent. i wonder, how far are we going to push it. but when i pause and standby, it just baffles me - this slap-in-the-face contradiction. on one hand, we idealize all that is beautiful in poems. on the other hand, we discard it for reality. maybe we are just hypocrites.

for example, i see this in many people: people keeping good thoughts about somebody to themselves. parents do this often, i think. atleast mine do. they never tell their children all the good things about them. but in their absence, all they talk about is good things about their kids. its very interesting to me. if not all the time, i think these things are lot more beautiful to share atleast once a while.

what do i know of these things you ask? for one, i have always worn my heart on the sleeve. there were some who didn't deserve to share those feelings with. sometimes, it left me in pain, and heartbreak. but, for the most part - it is very rewarding. makes me feel alive, every moment. like walking on the grass bare feet in rain. my living has always been like.. like freshly pulled carrots from ground. they are earthy, unpackaged. so, naturally some see the need to 'wash & package those dirty carrots', and others love them 'organic carrots'. but thats all i got in my garden.

while blogging, reading, learning, i came by this subject: existentialism don't worry, its nothing like scientology. just an awesome idea for life, that rings similar to what i've believed in so far. so, it was kinda cool to have come across that. the idea of existentialism is:

"the individual is solely responsible for giving his or her own life meaning and for living that life passionately and sincerely..."

i love the sound of it. i promise myself, and to all my dear ones, that i'll live on like this.

i don't want to be an ant

2010-10-31T18:15:00.005-05:00

i happened to stumble upon this video through a blog. a thought thats been eating me within since quite sometime. what a beautiful thought. i think i am going to watch this movie.

p.s: what am i smoking, you ask? i dunno.

update: just watching this movie and its a great collection of really engaging, and exquisite conversations. if you ever engaged in a philosophical discussion about life with somebody and thoroughly enjoyed it, chances are: you are going to love this movie: waking life.

windy storm

2010-10-26T19:59:00.000-05:00

its so windy, cold and storm-like outside, matching my inner self at the moment. its so cloudy, rainy.. its hard to spend even few moments out. i wanted to go for a walk today, and it didn't seem like a good idea with this sickness. whatever the bug i caught, it isn't really making me bed-sick, nor letting up. just a weakening and dull effect.

today, i also came to know about missing of Luke, our CEO, and his sons. as of the moment, they are still searching for him, and i can't wait to hear the good news.

i also know of atleast two friends who are going through tough times. with all of this going on, it seems like these stormy clouds are looming over almost all of us. hope this storm passes soon. and without much damage.

peace!

being sick.

2010-10-25T12:24:00.000-05:00

ah, silly old fever and stuff. with the change in seasons, comes the sickness. i've been feeling under weather since more than a week, but since yesterday, its worse. body pains, tiredness, light fever, sore throat, cough.. gah!

makes me think of the tomato charu mom made when i was sick. nothing makes the sickness go away like that hot rice + tomato charu, and mom's love. i miss my momma!

just. can't. sleep.

2010-10-21T00:08:00.000-05:00

been more than an hour since i am rolling on the bed. be it state of mind, or the feverish feeling.. just cannot sleep tonight. gah!

sounds of earth

2010-10-05T10:57:00.000-05:00

While you are on vacation near a sea, or in mountains, or woods, quiet and peaceful..
Hearing the birds tweet.. streams flow.. winds brush.. waves splash..
Have you ever wondered how would it be if you were working in a place like that?

I often wondered. So, I am starting this experiment today at work.
I am going to listen to these sounds of earth collection I have.
We'll see if my stress, productivity, peace would be any different with this.

echo!

2010-09-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

go stand out in the open world..

with all your senses, and soul together..

wish something with all of your heart..
wait and you'll hear the echoes from other souls!

Culture and Technology: My Opinion

2010-09-19T12:21:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine was working on a paper and as part of her research, she asked me for my inputs. She threw this question at me and asked me for my opinion:

Culture and Technology: If computer technologies allow us to extend the power of the senses, what might be the basis for arguing, as some writers do, that such technologies actually undermine the powers of critical thinking and freedom of individual choice?

For the simpleton I am, I asked her, do you mean Whats the effect of technology on our lives and whats your opinion about it? She nodded gleefully and here was my reply:

Not just in the terms of computer, technology as a whole has really shown lot of effect on human behavior as such. Culture is nothing but a collective human behavior and from which we can say that it has profound impact on human culture too. Talking in simple terms, when I was a kid: TVs, Internet and many other technologies were not wide spread and people spent more time with each other talking and in gatherings. Which meant more human interaction and it certainly led to understanding each other very well. Thus establishing a harmony in human lives. As technology started advancing and spread across, sure it brought some profound advantages to our lives in the form of spreading news easily, being able to be in touch with far friends and relatives and entertainment. But it occupied the very time that was used for human interaction. Earlier, a family could be seen spending in talking with each other, story telling, visiting someone.. But these days, a modern family will be: Mother watching TV, father working on his computer and kids playing video games or listening to iPods. Every such subtle, warm human interaction nicely replaced by the technology.

It isn't a big wonder to realize so many psychological problems that many of us are facing today. So many kids today not being able to socialize well and many relationships are ending abruptly, eventually leading to breaking up of families. May be it’s the human factors that are slowly evaporating and taking the form of Glorious Technology. But talking in the terms of human emotions, the sensation of a loved one's touch cannot be replaced by any technology. The happiness that one's eyes can show, cannot be expressed by any advanced eGreeting. The sweet subtle smile cannot be replaced by any greatly animated smiley icon. The story that is told by a mom to her son, cannot even come closest to the best movies/tv series ever made.

All in all, technology does have a profound impact on human life and it is upto us to control the extent that we use it upto and to balance the human and mechanical parts of our lives.

Regards
An Asshole.

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one."
Shant Thomas

rest in peace, uncle.

2010-09-18T12:40:00.001-05:00

Few days ago, a cousin im'ed me informing that an uncle of mine, Rajayya, had passed away in a fatal road accident. It saddened me deeply, more than in past with similar news.

Rajayya maamayya was a decent guy. He worked for our state government's public bus transit as a driver. He was good at his work, and a humble father and husband. I had never heard ill about him. Everytime I went to my village, I had to transfer atleast 2/3 buses on the way. Somehow, many times he was the first person I saw as I got to my last bus transfer. Even before I get to see my parents, I'd end up seeing him. We'd talk simple things and he'd ask me about my well doing. He often commended me for being the first one to go far in career.

After I heard the news, those memories rushed back. Continuing working rest of the day, I put it in the back of my head. By the time I got home, I completely forgot about it. But the evening seemed gloomy somehow. I had this sudden desire to light a candle. So I did. There was peace in me, after I remembered maamayya's passing, and our tradition to light a diya when a near one passes. Perhaps, my desire to light that candle was an incidental wish.

Rest in peace, maamayya.

Dhoom Machale!

2010-07-31T11:30:00.000-05:00

I just realized that I am the character Ali from Dhoom in couple of aspects! Atleast one major aspect! Chuckles.

Audio Transcribe

2010-07-29T17:02:00.001-05:00

LOL!! OK! Andrew and I came across this accidentally. But this one had to be shared. Follow these steps for some non stop fun!

1. Go to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUvPHAcU2ZA
2. Click on the CC options, and Enable Transcribe Audio.
3. Sit back, and enjoy the captions you see.

Tip: If the video is loading slow, change it to the least quality (240p).

Its hilarious what the transcribing engine thinks the man is saying.

little manhattan

2010-07-25T00:02:00.000-05:00

Just finished watching this movie, Little Manhattan. It was a sweet movie. Its cool how it reminds of those childhood days and thoughts. Funny enough, not all of those thoughts are far away even after growing up. Maybe I haven't grown at all. Maybe thats a good thing. I digress. But it was one of the good movies I saw lately. Little Manhattan made me laugh out loud many times during the movie. Especially when the kid is bawling with heart break. No, I don't mean to say it was funny to see him suffer. But you'd probably understand what I mean if you see the movie.

Cheers

good boy!

2010-07-22T23:02:00.000-05:00

Went straight to home from work.
Ate fruit for dinner.
Went on a hour long walk.
Called and spoke to parents.
Read some world history.
Sleeping early at 11!

Who is the good boy? Eh? Eh?

Guaranteed

2010-07-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

Love this song by Eddie Vedder for Into the Wild

On bended knee is no way to be free
lifting up an empty cup I ask silently
that all my destinations will accept the one that's me
so I can breath

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
half their lives they say goodnight to wive's they'll never know
got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul
so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across in cages they bought
they think of me and my wandering
but I'm never what they thought
got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
underneath my being is a road that disappeared
late at night I hear the trees
they're singing with the dead
overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
consider me a satelite for ever orbiting
I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me
guaranteed...

faith and life

2010-06-27T00:53:00.003-05:00

Aravind, a good friend of mine, sent an email sharing the news about his twin sister giving birth to a baby boy. They both were my childhood classmates. I was happy to hear the news & see the kid's pictures.

However, he also mentioned something very interesting. When the baby was born, the umbilical cord was over baby's neck. Normal stuff, right? NO! Many Hindu families consider this is an omen. It is a threat to the child's uncle (mother's brother), apparently. So, Aravind is heading to India to do some 'peace ceremonies', to please the Gods and rid him off this threat.

To be honest, I busted my gut laughing when I read it. But after some mulling over, I realized some interesting things. I am from the same place, and had I been in the similar situation my family would have forced me to do the same 'peace ceremonies', irrespective of my beliefs and interests. I did walk away from religion and any such institutions. But my life is still driven by my belief in morals and ethics. Then it hit me that all of our beliefs and paramounts in life are vastly different. To each his own. But there is a beauty to have faith in something and living it. I respect that. Good luck to you and your family, Aravind.

To all, wish you harmony. To your faith. To your life.

సాగర సంగమం

2010-06-23T23:52:00.001-05:00

ఇవ్వాళ సాయంత్రం సాగర సంగమం సినిమాలో కొన్ని సీన్స్ చూస్తూ కూర్చున్నాను. నిజంగా ఎంత సున్నితమైన, సంస్కారమైన కథ. ప్రత్యేకంగా కమలహాసన్, జయప్రదల సీన్స్. అద్బుతం! మర్చిపోలేని ఆణిముత్యం! ఇవ్వాల్టి సినిమాల్లో ఎక్కడుంది ఆ సంస్కారం?

వేకువ

2010-06-22T21:21:00.001-05:00

అపరిచితవై అందరిలో ఒకరిగా కనిపించావు.
కానీ, కనుల మెరుపు కాలంతో తడిసిపోయింది.
వసంతం వెళ్లోచిన తరువాత, మరు పొద్దులో
ఒక్కసారి శ్వాస మేల్కొంది, నీ పేరే కలవరిస్తో!

కళ్ళలోనే కనిపించావు మరువలేని కలలాగు.
చిన్న చిరునవ్వుతో మనసు లాగేవు నీ వేపు.
కదలి మెదల్లేని నా అవస్థ చూసి కొంటెగా నవ్వావు.
దాగి దాగని అభిమానాన్ని నీ చూపుతో తాకావు.

మనసుని మాటగా చేసి, బెరుకుని దీటుగా కోసి
చెదరకుండా చెప్పాను మనసు నిండా నువ్వేనని.
తరునమో, వర్నమో, భంధమో, భేదమో..
వలదనే అన్నావు, మౌనమే మేలని.

కట్టుబడి పట్టుబడ్డాను, మనసుని నీ ఖైదులో మరచి.
తెలివిలేక తిరిగాను, తిరిగి తిరిగి అలిసాను.
బరువులేని బతుకుతో ప్రతి చిన్న గాలికి తూలాను.
మాట లేక, పాట లేక మూగగా చూసాను నీ రాకకై.

మళ్లీ తరునమైంది, నీ రాకతో వేకువైంది.
బాల బేల చూపుతో, తేట తేట నవ్వులతో..
వాన వార్పున వొచ్చావు, కొసరు జల్లువై తడిపావు.
కళ్ళలో వెతుకుతూ కళ్ళతో అడిగేవు "ఏది, నీ మనసేదని?"

ఏమని చెప్పేది కావ్యమా, నీ చిరునవ్వులో చిక్కుకుందనా?

spider and its web!

2010-06-06T00:24:00.001-05:00

At this point, in my life, I feel like a spider. The spider that didn't get the point of building a web. The spider that stopped building its web half way and got stuck in big dilemma. Unlike other spiders that are building away webs and trapping insects. Spider thats puzzled, if all of its life's worth is to build the best web, so it can trap one more insect to fill its stomach!

Not fair!

humanity, forgive us!

2010-05-18T23:09:00.001-05:00

Over the last few weeks, I watched the following documentaries, among many things:

I am disturbed, and deeply upset about how cruelly humans treat other humans. Dear brothers and sisters of humanity, where are we headed? What the fuck are we doing to each other? Humanity, forgive us for what we are doing to each other. Elements of Nature, forgive us. Mother Nature, forgive us.

Oh mighty mother Nature, I just wish you didn't had so much patience to sit out all of this!

worlds apart

2010-05-09T12:03:00.000-05:00

I came across these TV program's clips. It may have been really old program, but I was so excited to watch them. Its mostly american families sent over to these far corners of world, to live with the natives, in their way of life. For few days!

It was fascinating. I've always wanted to do that. My wish, would have been to live with a native american family, as long as I could, had they been let to live their way of life. What a great experience would it have been?

Nonetheless, its still a great opportunity, to be abroad. I am doing my best, to live with the natives here in their ways of living. On the path: learning, sharing, telling about our traditions.. Its the best thing one could do when they are abroad. Bringing the worlds that are so far apart, closer word by word. Conversation by conversation.

Cheers

escape?

2010-02-10T21:52:00.001-06:00

Its such an easy and tempting route to take. But it will be long, contemplative, remorseful one too. Staying in, getting back into the thick of it - however - hard. But there is no freedom without sacrifice. No triumph without suffering.

Am I to go in?

missed connections

2010-01-19T23:52:00.000-06:00

I came across this blog and was really amazed by the artist and how she portrays each of these threads she comes across. Kickass I say.

http://missedconnectionsny.blogspot.com

A small video of the artist and her idea behind the blog: http://www.babelgum.com/4011152

sea of thoughts.

2010-01-17T23:31:00.000-06:00

it has been a weekend of pondering. a night of stimulating discussions with friends. another night with long phone conversation with folks about things back home and brother's job situation. without going into much details, it has been an interesting weekend of thoughts, to say the least.

then it hit me that, the inner calmness we try to achieve (i always assumed everybody tried to have a peaceful and calm life. correct me if i am wrong.).. well, its not possible to calm a sea! the shores are always full of altering waves.. swinging back and forth.. it is calm some times.. but most of the time, it is not.

delicate balance

2010-01-07T13:37:00.001-06:00

I sit in my room with my head exploding after I am back from my two week road trip. The trip itself was wonderful. I enjoyed every bit of it. But it seems like my life is revolting for leaving it while I was on vacation! One of the hotter things being the conversations with my parents about my arranged marriage and all the good stuff it brings up.

I just finished talking to my parents and that conversation spurred this blog. For preface: I come from a small village from a small farmer's family. Then moved to a city and became much of the person I am today. Then to a different country, which brought enough experiences to open up some more petals of my life. Although my life's roots kept creeping into wherever it could find its essentials, what I didn't realize is, it also strongly bonded me to all these places with very strong roots. And in the process of belonging to all these places, I think I stretch myself out too much.

Being exposed to different sections of society, and different societies of world, my purpose has always been to grasp best of the worlds and become my own individual. I strongly believed most of the people are that way. But it blurs my course when all those worlds point at me for not being an integral part of that world. Enough cryptic talk I guess. Let me get to the dirty details.

All my life, after seeing so many people that slaved and slaved just to save some money for their future generations, and seen happiness in doing it.. I decided I would rather live the moment than save my life and my time for somebody else. Doesn't mean I totally ignore or detest 'saving money'. But I save enough, not all of it. In my belief, the purpose of this life is to relish the moment. Its imbibed in every blood cell of me. I admire this quality in many of my friends back home and in western society. Funny enough, this very idea irks my father. After last few conversations with him, I realized he considers me a financial failure. Apparently, as per the standards in our society back home, thats what people judge me as. They seem to have done a good job of rubbing it on my father too. Thank you!

I see value in certain institutions in my Indian society: strong family bonds, arranged marriage etc. I figured I would choose arranged marriage, not only because my family expects me to, but also my wish happens to coincide with theirs. I love to make my family part of my life too. So it is obvious choice for me. Some of my friends from western societies don't quite understand this. Nonetheless, they respect my choice. Although few people approached my father, looking to settle a match, he seem to back down. With the prejudice of my 'financial setbacks'. Although my parents strongly consider this match making their responsibility, and sworn duty, I feel its becoming rather a heavy burden. Add these prejudices, its nothing short of agony for them.

My parents preached me since long to save money, buy property in good old Indian way. I couldn't tame my heart to the cast of that mould. So, I lived life my way and continue to do so. After heated discussions about life, my ways, their ways, I may have hurt them when I told them to let this burden off their heads and I will choose my own course. I feel like I am standing in crossroads. Many beaten paths leading in different directions. I see a beautiful horizon and none of those paths lead to it. I am tempted to walk towards it. And then I realize, with my roots buried so deep, its too hard to move anywhere. I stand still.. eyes closed.. taking a long deep breath..

people!!

2010-01-05T22:26:00.001-06:00

they never fail to make me smile!

brutally cold!

2010-01-03T11:54:00.003-06:00

Its been so cold since last few days. Temperatures dropping below zero all the time (thats in Fahrenheit, and for you Celsius friends, it hardly is ever above Zero in winter here!). It was in -20s (F) yesterday.

Its a deceiving day today. Seems nice and sunny outside.. but thats only until you step outta the house.

Its like a home arrest.. Can't go out to do something.. not even for a walk, as all the roads and side walks are icy and slippery! I was always in denial, but Minnesota winters might be getting to me :P

one for year!

2009-12-29T19:47:00.003-06:00

I probably said it too many times and say it again.. last year went by so quickly. And as customary, I felt like writing a thread for year 2009.

It seems weird that although so much happened, it somehow feels like a quick and insignificant year. Personally, last year was full of learning experiences for me. Most of those learnings were re-affirmations of my beliefs.

This year, it wasn't much of moving around and it was good to be employed at one place. Work kept me really really busy all year long. But fun! It got even busier by the end of the year. Busiest year of my career so far.

March was an especially interesting month. I had to rush to India for getting my Visa updated. With the sudden change of plans, my brother's wedding was moved to March. It was one hell of a month. Including that trip, I did fair bit of travelling this year. Went to many new states in US. Also squeezed in a 2 week road trip with a good friend of mine. It was a great trip! Was thrilled to get myself a motorcycle and enjoy the summer riding. Felt so good to get back to riding again!!

On the personal front, its been more like a "mleh!". I guess thats how things go when you get busy living. But anyway, I am looking forward for some interesting changes in 2010. I kinda feel bummed out, as I haven't been able to keep up my blogs going. Actually neither photography too. I guess I am doing more of a travelling photographer. Hopefully, I can keep them going this coming year.

Starting off another brand new year with joy and wishing best for family & friends. Thank you last year.

missing Telugu!

2009-08-05T22:19:00.003-05:00

Its been a while since I had time to sit and write a blog, although I had a lot on my mind to write. Been a busy summer both in personal life and at work too.

These days, I yearn to write something really rich in Telugu.. I have been brewing lot of ideas and chapters for a big story I have been meaning to write. Again, time issues and I can't make up my mind to get started on it. I miss writing.. especially in Telugu. I was remembering a friend that I used to write Telugu poems with. I would write a line and my friend would write another. Then I would continue from there. It was great fun those days..

But ah well.. I will start writing that story soon. We'll see.

Freedom of heart

2009-06-04T09:57:00.000-05:00

I have realized, I give my heart way too much freedom in living how it wants to. Its a bliss to be able to do that and addictive too. But at the same time, it also invites equal amount of distractions and confusion.

But its all good in the end.

driving with windows down...

2009-05-05T11:16:00.003-05:00

With the weather getting warmer, I started driving with all my car's windows down. I thought its funny as I noticed 19 out of 20 people still drive with all the windows rolled up.

If its raining bullocks or freezing buttocks, I understand. But we've been in winter freeze for months and the warm weather is finally here now. Roll those windows down and enjoy some free, fresh air, will ya!!

memories carried by wind..

2009-04-23T22:45:00.003-05:00

(Thats a derived thought from The Alchemist. But here we go anyway!)

As the summer just starting to get into its days, it was a windy night. As I was making my dinner with my kitchen's windows open.. wind kept rushing in mischievously.. trying to turn off the stove's flame. As I got to eating my dinner, it kept blowing even harder.. bringing some memories with it. It didn't remind me of any specific memory instance, but just the feel from my childhood days in my village. Reminded me of another friend too. I called my friend right away and spoke for a while. Then I took off for a walk.. I kinda had to. My heart compels me to be out on my feet in weather like that.

As I was walking today, I felt so tall.. like I was walking in the air. Felt elevated. I am beginning to believe, there is a strong connection for me with nature and its elements. And the path/road. Everytime the weather is somewhat special and different, I can hardly resist going out for a walk or a drive. Every moment I spend in nature or on the road.. makes me feel like I belong there.

where is tomorrow

2009-04-05T12:03:00.003-05:00

It has been a heavy March this time. The whole thing started when I had to go back to India to get my Visa extended, without any further details. I made the arrangements for my visa interview, travel plans just in 3/4 days and was it a run!

I felt elated when I found that my family decided to move my brother wedding from May to March, so I can be there for the wedding. I was excited! Off I went. The next couple of weeks were filled with so many mixed feelings. Joy of the wedding, love of my relatives, some misunderstandings between families, tiring travels, contemplations.. May be it was little too much to sink it all in, in just couple of weeks. So, I was somewhat ready to come back to states. To where? To Minnesota!

Thats a sad little thing about me. My heart is torn between two different places and it is always battered with the question of where I would endup. The place I was born in, I belong to, I have my family and much of my past life was in - India. The place I came to just couple of years ago, found it naturally home, made amazing friends, and I feel like I belong to - Minnesota.

One of the reasons for me to think of going back to India is for the fact that I have my family there. Second is, I was disappointed about few things in my Indian society from long time and I pouted and critiqued about it. My conscious provokes me to go back to do something for making a difference. Atleast in the small amount I can. As I started thinking more about it, I did get a wonderful thought and I am sure I will work on it when I get back to India. After staying for long enough, the feeling of missing home, family and when I actually go home (India), the reminding of reasons why I even chose to leave. And the rest, it falls back to my usual inner struggle. Although this is a bigger question of long coming future, there is something else that adds upto it.

I have been a wanderer.. traveler.. seeker.. voyager.. free. My spirit rejoices when I set out on the road. Exploring, being out in nature, road trips, camping.. There is a bigger part of me that feels comfortable doing all that here. I know how complicated it could get to live such life in India. Forget about living such life. Even to live a simple life of my own, without few dozen people nosing into my life and the bureaucracy squeezing my every nerve, is highly impossible. I think when I can't do all the things that exhilarate my spirit, I feel trapped and dead. Thats the feeling that I want to stay away from as much as possible. If I go back, would I really be able to live my dear life peacefully.

These have been few thoughts that weighed heavily on my mind. Anyways, its almost spring and summer in MN now. Its a nice after snow day today. I will walk this off and see you later.

a walk

2009-01-04T14:12:00.002-06:00

My travelling and moving around started in April 08 and it felt like it never ended.. With the holidays over, yesterday I had enough time to take a peaceful walk. I walked as if I was hungry for walking so peacefully.

The slightly sunny and cloudy noon, with temperature in 20s, calm and peaceful neighbourhood and the crunching sound of frozen snow under my steps.. it all felt so quiet and peaceful. Its been quite sometime since I walked so peacefully. I realised that I got to that place in life again that I always work towards: peace.

May your life be at peace!

Adios 2008

2009-01-03T17:37:00.005-06:00

With the new year already picking up speed, I wanted to scribble down last year of my life. It'd be safe to say it was the year that I travelled the most so far. The year I got myself wheels. The year that enriched me and rewarded me as a person.

I started off the year celebrating among few good friends, waking to a snowy, peaceful January. Much part of the winter was quiet just with the routine days at work. It was quite thrilling for me to get my first car, which gave me lot of freedom to go around. With that freedom, I drove to Chicago alone to see my friends.

My long trip to India for 5 weeks in summer was memorable. Although, by the time I got back, I did realise I spent quite a lot and hence some financial setback. With my contract ending in MN, I did spent quite sometime in contemplation of moving.

Then I ended up in California. Perhaps the strongest chapter of last year. My long long drives for the next few months were thrilling and somehow spiritual journeys for me. When I was done, they left me strong and clear about life.

By end of September, I moved back to Minnesota, my second best home in the world. After having enough time to settled down from all the travelling, I was beginning to contemplate my options for jobs. Then miraculously, a fortune striked me in the form of a job at Sierra Bravo. It kept me busy rest of the year.

The year ended with lots of time with good friends and good people and my settling down in a new place I moved to. With the new and richer experiences I gained through the last year, I am 'going on'..

Sierra Bravo!!

2008-12-06T12:15:00.004-06:00

Amid all the economy uncertainty, there are few companies that are not actually reducing their work forces. But they are growing. Its a company that provides web solutions and goes by the caption "Web Solutions Powered By Nerds!". True to its name, it has team of great experts in the web arena. The work environment is so free and so creative, it gets the best of them.

When I was in search of a new project/job in Minnesota during my California project, I have applied at Bravo. After the interview process was through, they made me an offer. Although they never had to get someone a visa, they took the pain of going through the process of getting me a visa. I couldn't be happier. Finding a good job with the economy is hard enough. To top it off, finding a company that can sponsor a visa is even more difficult. And I not having prior experience in the technology that I would be working on, pushes it to the limit. But they did it! I am grateful for being part of such company.

Working among so many experts makes me wanna be best at what I do. It gives me enough fire to learn and work towards it. For now, I am enjoying the challenge and the spirit. You wanna know how cool they are? Just the name of the website they created to recruit makes me feel great to be part of it. Its www.nerdery.com. And the company's site is sierra-bravo.com.

Millions of thanks to Bravo!

Lost in transition..

2008-12-06T11:58:00.004-06:00

Its been a while since I had time (rather peace) to sit down and scribble my thoughts.. After long pause, here I am writing again.

As I mentioned in the title of this thread, for quite sometime now, I felt somewhat lost in transition. It all began with my trip to India in this April. Being the fool for life I am, I took a rather long 5 week vacation to India. Right after I was back from India, I realised my work contract wasn't gonna extend. So it took about couple of weeks for me to find something again.

This time, I had to moved to another state to keep working. So I did. As that new project came to an end, I moved back to Minnesota without being able to stay away from Minnesota and my life here. Then, it took quite sometime and struggle to find work again. The situation of economy and job market didn't quite help. But at the end, I somehow ended up with an excellent job opportunity. I see this as a job that whips me into studying new technologies and keep up with latest trends, which I have been ignoring for a while. Actually, quite a while.

So, I became quite busy these days with my new job and studying. And then, well, holidays. I am happy to be back here in Winter and to be able to spend time with my dearest friends.

That said, I am yet to settle from all the uncertainty that rocked my life since past 7-8 months. As I end this year with many good experiences, struggle and holiday celebrations with friends.. I look forward to regain the kingdom of my peaceful thoughts.

Cheers.

a letter to love of life..

2008-10-24T02:19:00.006-05:00

To know more about American Civil War, I started watching Ken Burns's Civil War documentary. Of all the history, the fight, struggle, sacrifices, bravery, gloom... one thing that stood out for me more than anything was a letter written by a Major, Sullivan Ballou, to his wife. A great love letter. It ensembles the profound things of life in few simple words. Read below:

July 14, 1861

Camp Clark, Washington DC

"Dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. And lest I should not be able to write you again I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I am no more.

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this government, and to pay that debt.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but omnipotence can break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly with all those chains to the battlefield. The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you, that I have enjoyed them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes and future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and see our boys grown up to honorable manhood around us.

If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name...

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been!...

But, O Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you, in the brightest day and in the darkest night... always, always. And when the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath, or the cool air your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again..."

Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the 1st Battle of Bull Run.

Source: Click here

Kings of Advise

2008-10-23T19:52:00.006-05:00

Its been a while since I mentioned of Chagan Desis. Hasn't it? Well, here is something that made me mention them again: Free Advice

Its almost a birthright of most of the chagans. Spend two minutes talking to any chagan and atleast two free advices are on your way. I spent quite a lot of time hearing these useless, half baked, senseless advices. Even if you don't need them, even if you despise them, even if you beg to stop advising, they still would be delivered to you somehow. It just doesn't occur to chagans that when someone needs an advice, they will ask for it. I guess they just assume that every person, who gave into the misfortune of striking up a conversation with them, is in dire need of advice.

When seem fit and necessary, advising is a different matter. Its moral obligation. It carries a different tone - comforting, friendly and accommodating. But the kind of advice you get from a chagan is pretentious, arrogant and unfledged. Recently when I mentioned to a recruiter, at the consultancy I work for, that I was interested in looking for a job in Minnesota. He started advising me that I should not get attached to places. That I am a single and should be ready to move from place to place. Ohh it pissed me off.

What the hell are you trying to prove chagan? That you are wise and intelligent? Here is my free advice to you - Shut your yap and stop advising and you have more chances to prove your point. Besides, ever heard of individualism? Live your own bloody life and let others live their, and not impose your half-baked opinions.

Peace

my home.. my village..!

2008-10-10T12:21:00.006-05:00

On the morning of Dasara, a festival in India, I woke up at 9 in a room with some clothes, books and stuff. It felt weird to think about where I was. Reminded me of the festival celebration at home.

Awakened by the chirping birds, cocky roosters and light of the rising sun. A typical morning of villages. After the nature calls and freshening up, helping mom to get ready for her pooja. Then a head bath with warm, rich water. (There is some content in the water of my village and it feels really good after a bath. Few of my friends who visited my village mentioned of it too.) After the bath, wearing new pair of clothes. If not newer, atleast newest. Mom always reminded us to buy new clothes before the festivals, and as kids new clothes were fun. But as I grew up, I guess I never really followed that I guess.

Mom would always run around in the house, to finish cooking the delicious festival special dishes, while preparing for the pooja. I was always the house help, while my brother and dad were busy in washing our tractors, motor bikes to prepare them for their pooja. It is a custom to pray to one's vehicles and other machinery on festivals in India, especially during Dasara celebrations. By the time our stomachs were screamingly hungry for the delicious food, pooja began. The actual pooja in my home has always been a simple one.

Mom was the one who really prayed, and rest of us were less interested in pleasing the god, I suppose. Nevertheless, we all enjoyed all the festivals celebrations together. It was the spirit and special celebration that thrilled me. After mom said her prayers, we did ours. Then we all feasted on the special festival meal. Rest of the day goes on with neighbours, relatives sharing the prasadam and the joyous chats and visits. Sometimes, a visit to the temple in the evening.

As all of this flashed in my memory in a vivid colorful projector, it wasn't hard for me to figure what was I missing. I spent rest of my day in melancholy. Missing the air, smell and the feel of my village. The festive spirits and joyous visits of neighbours, friends and relatives. The simple mile markers of happiness in the journey of life. My home! My village!!

Going On

2008-09-24T23:10:00.005-05:00

A friend of mine came across this song and told me that it reminded of me. I looked it up right away and I thought it was cool. So here it is.. the song and lyrics!

Gnarls Barkley - Going On

I’ve seen it with my own eyes
How we’re gettin’ otherwise
Without the luxury of leavin’
The touch and feeling of free is
Untangible technically
Something you’ve got to believe in
Connect the cause and effect
One foot in front of the next
This is the start of a journey.
And my mind is already gone
And though there are other unknowns
Somehow this doesn’t concern me.

And you can stand right there if you want
But I’m going on
And I’m prepared to go it alone
I’m going on
To a place in the sun that’s nice and warm
I’m going on
And I’m sure they’ll have a place for you too oohoohoo

Anyone that needs what they want, and doesn’t want what they need
I want nothing to do with
And to do what I want
And to do what I please
Is first of my to-do list
But every once in a while I think about her smile
One of the few things I do miss
But baby I‘ve to go
Baby I’ve got to know
Baby I’ve got to prove it

And I’ll see you when you get there
But I’m going on
And I’m prepared to go it alone
I’m going on
May my love lift you up to the place you belong
I’m going on
And I promise I’ll be waiting for you oohoohoo

the journey...

2008-09-23T23:12:00.005-05:00

After spending about three months in California, I set out on my journey back to Minnesota. A long drive again.. for 4 days.. through five new states that I have never been to before.. alone.. with all the stuff I owned in my car..

I reached today to Minnesota and it was a revival. I passed through some rain on the way and by the time I reached Minnesota, I was in a big storm which poured crazy. The visibility was poor. It was risky to drive in such heavy rain.. but hey, it was thrilling and fantastic to drive in the rain. I have been missing the rain so much while I was away and it was like a welcome back party.. Good part was, it rained like that for much part of the evening even after I reached. So, it was a good come back. Aren't those cool water showers dropping from nowhere fun? No? Well, piss off! I enjoy them! :)

After I drove for 4 days (though rested in the nights and drove only in day), one might expect that I am exhausted. But funny thing is, I wasn't tired or bored even for a bit. It felt like one single day and I was upbeat when I reached.. Besides my ice tea, I guess there was something else that kept me so energised. The Landscapes of all those different states. It was amazing to go through the endless prairies, open lands, big vast horizons, plain lands and big big skies. Except the constant buzzzzz noise of freeways, I completely enjoyed the drive. I am starting to believe that, by flying we miss out such a fantastic opportunity to enjoy the landscape. I promised myself that in future, I will always drive whenever possible. Like this quote I came across: "The road leading to a goal does not separate you from the destination; it is essentially a part of it. - Charles DeLint"

Few years ago, a friend of mine attended a Vipasana session. He had to be quiet and all by himself in a space allocated to him and not talk to anyone for few days, just so he could observe his inner self quietly and calmly. I remember vividly my friend telling me that it was quite an experience. My journey came close to that or pretty much gone beyond that experience in some respects, I believe. Going past those grand and amazing landscapes, going just by myself.. all I could do was to reflect on my thoughts and inner self. Being the nature and travel enthusiast I was, nothing was a better opportunity for me to do that..

The whole purpose of my trip was simple: To be back in a place where I was happy. Suzanne, a colleague of mine for the short stint I was in CA, wrote on the present she gave me "Anand - Here is to following your bliss. Best of journeys through life." To simply put it, indeed it was one of the best journeys of life. Everything just went right.. The drive, the hotel stays on the way, the weather, the places I passed through and at the end - the showering of rain!! Its funny how simple things can appear to be so profound and profound things can appear to be so simple.

Anyway, needless to say, I am back to the simple life I wanted! Here is to the coming days.. May all your days and life be blessed and happy. Cheers

Minnesota

2008-08-23T20:24:00.002-05:00

One single name that has been ringing in my head since I moved to California: Minnesota!

Couple of years ago, when I set out on my first world travel, my objective was to find a place that I would like to live in. Besides my enthusiasm for world travel, there were few other things about the place/society that I am from, that made me to pursue a new place to live. So I began!

My first stop, USA. Its been almost two years since then and I have moved around quite a bit in the states. I spent just over an year in Minnesota (MN) and I had to move to California recently for work. Until then, I didn't realise how much have I grown to be part of MN and how much I began to like it. All I could think of ever since was, to move back.

Nature
I am a big nature person and I love the way how life in MN is so part of nature. In the town I was living in, Eagan, there were so many lakes, parks, trails and it didn't take much to go see much bigger landscapes. So much of nature just around the street, makes it a country-like place to live in.

The seasons are the topping! Its one such place where you can 'see' all the seasons. From the black & white days of Winter to orange-yellowish days of Fall to the refreshing green and pink colors of Spring.

Lifestyle & People
I might be partial here, but MN has some really warm people. Atleast I came across lot of such people, who are now very good friends of mine. To add to the country-like feel of MN, the life style and people here are easy going. The pace and the peace of life here are just apt for me. It didn't come as a surprise to me, when I learned that MN is rated the second best state to live in. There is so much to do and see if you are an outdoor person like me. The schools here are known to be very good. Cost of living, not so high. All in all, a nice and peaceful place to live in.

For me, I think I found that place that suits my idea for living. When someone asked me repeatedly the reason for my decision to go back to MN (despite the fact that MN doesn't have as many opportunities for my profile as CA or NY/NJ has), I told him all I could to answer his question. Fellow didn't seem like he quite got it. As my last attempt, I told him "Its next best thing to my home."

PS: He couldn't digest it and debated with me how could I compare a foreign place to my own home in my own country. Anyways.. what was I saying? "Yeah, just that I like that place and I would love to be living there again!"

San Francisco Visit

2008-08-10T13:48:00.003-05:00

It was a sudden made plan and turned out to be a very good visit of SF City. Nitesh, a friend at work, agreed to show me around in SF. We started about 9 AM and been to lot of places. Ofcourse, the tourist places mostly. Giants Stadium, Pier 39, Fisherman's Wharf, A ferry to Alcatraz, Golden gate Bridge, Coit Tower and few other landscapes. It was almost 9 in the evening by the time we were all done. It was a fun visit.

Photos here: www.flickr.com/photos/anandgona

Golden Gate Bridge
The iconic bridge that flashes in every mind when they think of San Francisco. It was an amazing experience to take a ferry that went under the bridge and then to walk on it. Known for its foggy days, it looks so mysterious with all the fog in the noon. But it wasn't untill 1:30 PM the fog cleared a bit around the bridge. In the evening, we walked on the bridge and I couldn't stop wondering about the construction of it. Gigantic metal structure and wires. A site to definitely see while in SF. Later in the evening, my friend took me to another rare spot that many tourists miss. A place where you can get a bird's eye view of entire city with the bridge in the foreground.

Chinatown - Saif Ali Khan & Kareena Kapoor
About late evening, we were visiting Chinatown. I was hungry and were looking for a place to eat. After browsing through the menu of couple of places, I finally chose a place to eat. So, we ordered, ate and sat around for a bit. I had Chicken Fried Rice and it tasted pretty good. I kinda smiled when my fortune cookie said "You have a quiet and unobtrusive nature." It was so right. At least I think it is. Not that I believe in fortunes, and its just cool and funny coincidence that I got that. Oh, talking of coincidence, check this out.

While we are leaving that restaurant, I saw a Indian couple in the corner table. The girl looked just like Kareena Kapoor, though I couldn't see the guy's face as he was looking into his lap. I thought it was cool and I told my friend when we stepped out. "Dude, that girl looks just like Kareena" My friend had to check it out and he went in. He comes out with excitement saying "DUDE!! It IS Kareena and the guy next to her is Saif"

We were so excited and didn't know what to do. So, we've decided to wait and get some pictures when they come out. But it took forever and they didn't come out. But their escort came from nowhere and said "Hello! I am with Mr. Khan & Ms. Kapoor. They are feeling insecure. Can you please stand a bit far away from here." Well, I kinda lost my enthusiasm at that point and we decided to leave. While walking to the car, I saw another Indian couple and I approached them. I started talking to them about this restaurant that is down the street. At first, the girl looked at me like "who the hell are you & what are you saying??". But when I finished my saying with the HOT news, they both jumped with glee and thanked me.. and rushed off to that restaurant. It cracked me up.. good stuff!

All in all, it was a fun day!

Into the Wild

2008-07-20T14:47:00.004-05:00

This blog is about some thoughts that have been bothering me since long. It can be pretty much a continuation of my previous blog about where, why and what?

I was going in a train to San Francisco yesterday and while I was looking out of the window, a thought (actually lot of thoughts) struck me. Looking at the all cars, roads, people, buildings, towns and places we were passing by. It was interesting to think about what a modern day is like for us today. Technology, facilities, corporations, law systems.. even the very train I was travelling in, the cell phone, DSLR I was holding.. the thin plastic card that holds my money (my credit card). It didn't take much time for me to realise that, all of us are trying to keep each other busy. The work that I do is used by someone else, while I use the stuff that is done by someone else. But few hundred years ago, people lived without all these things too. Perhaps, much simple and meaningful life.

I guess we put ourselves in such a gigantic cycle of manufacturing, creating, maintaining.. such a great and mammoth cycle that sucked us so deep into it that we can't get out of it. Or may be I can't get out of it. Ever since I was growing aware of my surroundings, I always was fond of the basic life or basics of life. But as I am what I am today. Though I might not like it, I am part of something thats way too beyond than basic. I enjoyed that basic life during my long drive recently. All I did was, go from place to place, find a place to eat, a place to sleep and a place to stop and enjoy. Nothing big to worry about. I just loved that simplistic life.

After that drive of mine, I have watched a movie and did some reading: Into the Wild. I gotta tell you, it put ideas into my already troubled head. I like outdoors too much and I think there is an abundance of world that we just ignore and indulge ourselves in the mechanical world we have created for ourselves. I don't know if I can include everyone and say, WE. But atleast I haven't been able to spend enough time with that other part of this world. Relatively, it might have been more than lot of people, but for me, its less. I am thirsty for more and more of world. It kinda makes me itchy when I 'HAVE TO' do something to be part of this system. The taxes I HAVE to pay. The rules I have to follow. The dress code and regulations I have to follow. It makes me wonder and long for that simple life.

Coming to think of it, perhaps thats one of the things that really really attracted me to Native American culture. Their simplistic ways of living. I could identify with their pain of loosing their traditional lives and so many other things, as I am having to loose that idea of my basic life with the invasion of today's society and system. For now, I am in the war zone. War zone of too many thoughts fighting, rebelling, bombarding. While this battle goes on in my brain, I seem to usually get the heat of it too :P Someday I am gonna end up finding what I wanted. Someday I will find that basic life I am looking for. Someday!

Until then, there is no peace to my thoughts, it seems.

Long long drive!

2008-07-05T12:55:00.008-05:00

Where to where?
From Minnesota to California

How long?
2500 miles and about 5 days with all stops and hotel stays.

Who went?
Just me and my stuff in the car.

But, why??
Because I got my next project in California and I had to move.

I have enjoyed living in Minnesota and I wasn't interested in moving from there at all. When I got this project in California, there were quite few reasons that compelled me to think about moving. So, I began...

Here are some pictures of my journey: www.flickr.com/photos/anandgona
The route I travelled: Click here

Read on for more..

I started on Sunday about 2 PM in noon. I have reached Iowa sometime in the evening and couldn't help appreciating the country side. So, I got off the freeway and drove into some fields. It was so beautiful. Thanks to a very good friend of mine, Andrew, for gifting me a GPS just before the day I took off on my quest :) Otherwise, I was planning on driving straight to CA, without any detours or stops. I have stopped at least about 10-12 places in Iowa and took lot of pictures. I reached Nebraska by night and rested that night.

I started day 2 with a Wild Life Safari and a Air & Space museum visit. Then lunch and then I was on the road by 2 again. I have decided to drive through Colorado to see the mountain ranges that I have heard so much about. I entered Colorado, and instead of going on a freeway, I chose to go on a state highway to pass through some towns again. So, I took Hwy 14. Well, it was fun driving through those towns. But I almost freaked out when I realised that I was very low on gas and I was nowhere near to any towns. Luckily, I found a gas station in a small town. So, I was on the road again. I rested that night in Fort Collins.

I started my day late again and set out to Boulder and from there to Walden, so I can see more of mountains. I gotta say though: Hwy 14 has got some of the most amazing scenes to pass by in Colorado. I also had a very best meal at a restaurant on the way. From there, I drove to Wyoming to get back on I-80 to CA. It was almost night and I wanted to rest. But it was hard to find a place to stay and all the places were too damn expensive for a night. 100$ or over. So, I chose to drive all night. About 3 or so in night, I reached Utah and stopped at a Rest Area for a nap.

I drove all the morning and reached Nevada by noon. I stayed at a motel in Elko. I slept through out the noon and drove to a near by Ruby Mountains in the evening. By now, I have passed through so many mountains, and it was just a thrilling experience to drive through the curvy and gigantic natural formations. Especially the drive in Colorado was breath taking. I got back to motel and watched Forrest Gump (:P). I watched it before, but just felt like watching it again, as I got it as a parting gift from few buddies in my apartments. Hit the beds early to getup early and start the last day's drive early.

I started in Nevada and didn't stop much this time. Though I didn't think I was, I was stopped by a Highway Patrol cop for speeding. Well, I was about 86 when the speed limit was 75. He cut me a ticket right away without much speech. That set me off for the rest of the journey and I had to get there soon now. Rest of the drive in California was tiresome because of lot of traffic, road under construction, single lanes and the smoke from the wild fires. I reached at last to Dublin, California to a friend's house.

I was tired and it was good to be at the end of my trip. I have enjoyed the whole trip a ton, but it still felt nice to be where I have to be. I spent that evening at my friend's and moved to a motel next day and started hunting for an apartment. Oh hey, that's where I am writing this blog from. My motel room.. :)

Looking forward for the fun times in CA.
Cheers

Interesting Talk about Love

2008-06-22T13:17:00.004-05:00

This is from a movie, Meet Joe Black. I watched this movie couple of years ago and I stumbled upon this scene recently somehow. Its one of the best words about love that I came across. Enjoy!

Update (11.8.2010):
Ok, seems like they took the video out that I posted here. So, I am going to post the captions from the movie.

Dad:
Do you love Drew?

Daughter:
You mean, like you loved Mom?

Dad:

Forget about me and Mom. Are you gonna marry him?

Daughter:

I'm probably.

Dad:

Listen, I'm crazy about the guy. He's smart. He's aggressive. He could carry Parrish Communications into the 21st century and me along with it.

Daughter:

Mm-hmm. So, what's wrong with that?

Dad:

That's for me. I'm talking about you.
It's not what you say about Drew. It's what you don't say.

Daughter:

Maybe you're not listening.

Dad:

Oh, yes, I am. There's not an ounce of excitement, not a... whisper of a thrill.
And this relationship has all the passion of a pair of titmice.
I want you to get swept away out there.
I want you to levitate.
I want you to... sing with rapture and dance like a dervish.

Daughter:

Oh, that's all.

Dad:

Yeah. Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be.

Daughter:

Okay. "Be deliriously happy." I shall, uh... I shall do my utmost.

Dad:

I know it's a cornball thing. But love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without.
I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back.
How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I'm not hearing any heart.

'Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, 'cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

Daughter:

Bravo!

Dad:

Oh, you're tough.

Daughter:

I'm sorry. Okay. Give it to me again, but the short version this time.

Dad:

Okay. Stay open. Who knows? Lightning could strike.

what..? where..? why..?

2008-06-09T16:26:00.002-05:00

With lot of free time to spare these days, I got back to my old habit of reading/watching/knowing more about something I liked. I was watching a documentary about Native Americans ( or Red Indians or Indians). It provoked lot of interesting questions.

As the documentary took me from the oldest history from the Mexican natives to the last day of the native glory - Wounded Knee. Someone coming to their own very land, very homes and driving them off, killing those opposed brutally. One of the oldest and greatest cultures wiped off with very weak traces now. For that matter, not just the native Americans, almost all the oldest civilizations faced the same consequences. My own country, India, was under so many evasions like these.

It makes wonder.. what provokes any human being or a group of people or a civilization to take over a fellow human being's life so brutally. So many thousands of years of history and so many incidents like these. What did those people do to anyone ever? Living their simple lives on the lands passed on to them from generations..!? What has one got to do to live such a simple life on their own and not be bothered by any evader?

When I look back into the world's history and our lives today, it makes me realise how small or how tiniest of a proportion my life is in comparison. What am I doing to be part of such endless history of human history. What can I do? Why should I do that? This questions have always been there in me and they surface every time I have come across such wondering. I hope I find my answers for my questions in this life.

Magic lamp..

2008-06-06T01:00:00.005-05:00

After the attempts of stealing it from me, trying to make me disbelieve in it, being looked at as unreal, I still carry the magic lamp as the most precious thing. I will protect it, save it, cherish it, treasure it, trust it and believe in it. I will carry it.. till the end. For that, its my source of energy. Its my light. Its my compass. Its my treasure. Its the magic lamp of my ideals. Lamp of my will. Lamp of my life...

Some say its useless. Some say it doesn't light. Some try to break it. I smile and walk away with the lamp. For which, only I know the magic of it.

It shreds the thick darkness of the devil darkened night. It makes a bright shining path for me through the darkest woods even in the dark mid days. It radiates such an energy that heals me through any wounds.

Yet, it can still appear like nothing to someone who don't believe in it. Those who do, see the strength of it and pat my shoulder for treasuring it. I nod from inside and smile.

O Stranger!

2008-05-25T01:11:00.003-05:00

I wait at the busy corner to get ready to move again..
Then I saw you standing across the street..
You appeared so simple yet so elegant..
Moments weren't enough to hold the beauty you were..

It felt like magic for those few moments..
I couldn't stop looking at you though we both were going on our ways..
Sparkled the most thrilling moments in my heart..
O Stranger! What have you done?

A trip home!

2008-05-10T09:56:00.002-05:00

I have planned it 2 months before and counted everyday before I could leave.. Finally it was finished in a snap. A 5 week vacation in India.

It was day when I started from Minneapolis and it remained day when I stopped in Amsterdam. A 6 hr stop and I was not allowed to go out to see the city too, as I don't have the Visa. It was exhausting to hang around in the airport for that long time. Then by the time I reached to India, it was almost early morning. So, it was like a never ending 60 hrs day. Somewhere my bio system and mind lost track of what the hell is going on. I couldn't sleep well for a week almost. Well, if you haven't heard, its called Jet Lag :) The heat (110+ F) and the transport modes didn't help it too.

Besides my struggles to reach my village, I enjoyed seeing my parents and family, spending time in my village.. It was good to get back to the place when I spent much of my childhood. I was visiting relatives near around and many of them have come to see me at my folk's too. With the warm regards and appreciations for my world travels, it was a memorable time to be among my parents and relatives.

After I have spent couple of weeks there, I went to Hyderabad to meet my friends. It took a good 2 weeks time to be able to meet all of them. Met almost all the friends I wanted to. I had good times hanging out with my old pals too. Especially the gettogether of my graduation buddies was gala. When I was meeting a friend of mine, Chinni, I met her neice and nephews too. Among them were a twin kids that were born on the same day as I did. It was awesome to meet those kids. I became a little kid among them and we all played around.

After I visited all of friends, I went back to see my folks again before I leave from India. It was heavy for my mom to let me go. You know, they are parents! :)

Two days passed and here I am. Back again. This long vacation was everything I could ask for. Things have changed back home in certain ways. It was a little different experience to be home as visitor. All in all a much needed break.

See ya around!

All about..

2008-03-19T10:17:00.001-05:00

I stepped into work today and after few minutes of warming up at my desk, all I could consciously hear around was the noise of keystrokes, mouse clicks, paper flips...

I just wondered for a while of what happened to the sounds of the life. The sounds of laughter, birds, kids, streams, wind...

Where did we get ourselves into? For the bigger part of a day, and a week and a life. Are these magical processing boxes our life? Are these taxes, audits, time sheets and four walls our life's essentials? I keep wondering...

Trash Can Terrorist

2008-03-11T22:47:00.003-05:00

"Trash Can Terrorist? What the hell??" Read on.

Photography is my hobby and I was glad when I was approached by my boss at the client's site to do some photo shoots for the work we do. Sure, I agreed happily. I have been doing that for a while, now and then, as needed. One day, for our work, I had to take pictures of a trash can with a lock on it. Why? Don't ask me.. it was part of the work I did. Yeah, laugh it away. But then I had to do it anyway. So, I took our department's camera. A DSLR, visibly bigger. That trash can is in between few hundreds of cubes. I went there and looked around for angles and started taking couple of pictures.

Someone walked upto me and asked me with authority, in a serious and suspicious tone: "Excuse me! Who are you and why are taking pictures of this?"

The site I was at was relatively sensitive and secured. If there is someone with a big visible camera and taking pictures of some not-at-all-important thing, with a ID card hooked onto him, and seemed calm, I would expect that the other person would understand that it is official business.

Back to the scene: I told him what I do and why was I taking those pictures. He walked away stating that he just wanted to cross-check. I thought "If I were one, I would be the most DUMBEST terrorist to take pictures of a trash can, so openly, among so many people with such big camera."

God forbid, shit happened in the country I am in. But, get real! Not every brown and middle eastern looking man is a terrorist. Its understandable that you wanted to just do your civic duty, but also do your ethical and moral duty. I am not writing this to fight for justice. I fight for justice within myself. Its in my soul.

A Monk

nothing much..

2008-03-08T18:48:00.002-06:00

is what I might say if someone asks me whats up. The past few days have been really engaging and keeping my life just going, going and going..

To start off, I guess its my excitement for my trip back home thats driving it all. It might also be my new car (you must have read me boasting off about my new car in previous blog :P). Or it can be the full day work that I am getting at office these days. All in all life is going pretty cool at this point.

Anyways, just wanted to drop in and say a few words..

See yo later!

New car!! Yay...

2008-02-22T23:06:00.006-06:00

Some of you might have heard about it or some of you might have realised it: That its difficult to live in USA without having your own car. Ofcourse, also a computer and Internet connection. But anyways, I had these two setup long ago. But it took quite sometime for me to get myself a car. First the road test and then a car.

Being an immigrant or alien here, it wasn't easy to get a loan for my car here and that too for the car that I wanted to buy. Couple of weeks of back and forth, and then I gave up on the thought. But then, a very good friend of mine, didn't let me. My friend took over the responsibility of co-signing for me and helping me out greatly. Now, I can say that I have come to a comfort zone in my life here.

I feel greatful for having such a friend. I thank all my friends who gave me rides all the while. Oh in case you wanted to see the car I bought, its the model below and color is almost the same, just with a very light creamy greenish tint in it. Its a Toyota Rav4 by the way :)

What? The price? Let us talk about it later.. :P

And yes, I AM SO EXCITED for this.. A perfect suit for my travelling, camping habits and my kinda car.. :)

Lunar Eclipse

2008-02-22T22:52:00.003-06:00

On wednesday while at work, one of my colleagues was talking about Lunar Eclipse which was going to happen that day. I thought I could go out and take some pictures that night of lunar eclipse. But the temperatures were gonna be below zero. Well, coming to think of it, thats the fun part about photography. Given the conditions, I was excited to go out and grab some pictures.

When I told my roommates, they were excited to come out too. So, off we went at 7:30 in the night, and it was cold as it was -10 degrees Fahrenheit. Around -20 Celsius. We stood out there in that cold, in 3-4 inches snow, for couple of hours. I setup my tripod, occasionally changing the camera angles and clicking some shots. When I was breathing out, my breath was farming a thin ice layer on my camera. But the time we were done shooting and were back at home, our feet were numb, I couldn't feel my ears, and I had to keep my camera out for it to defreeze :P

Output? Some fun standing out in cold and few good shots, one being:

Well, I thought it was worth it. But again, it was Minnesota's weather that gets crazy enough and also me! :) See yo later.

waddap?

2008-02-13T10:40:00.002-06:00

Its been long since I felt like posting something. Even I looked at my blogspot couple of times and went "Where is this guy? Why doesn't he post anymore?"

I guess I was a bit busy at work and in life. For the last few weeks, I was busy in getting my driving license, looking for a car, booking the tickets for my India trip, buying stuff, catching up with friends, going out on weekends, visiting couple of towns around, watching movies and rest of the things.

Yes, after failing my first road test, I nailed it the second time. Well, I jumped a red light while I was giving the test first time (old habits :P). Ofcourse, I can't help it if that light was blocked by a big dumb truck. But anyway, I am a State of Minnesota tested and licensed driver. I didn't drive a car in India too, but I learned driving on one of my dad's tractors. Oh, talking of driving, an Indian friend of mine here failed the written test thrice and road test thrice. LOL!! Worst of all, he has been driving a car in India for 8 years..!!! :)

After much back and forth, I finally reserved the tickets for my India trip starting in the beginning of April. I will be spending 5 weeks in my home town and my city (Hyderabad). "Yes, 5 weeks". I say that gleefully when someone exclaims at me going "Five Weeks of vacation!?!" It will be 14 months since I am away from India. I just can't wait to get there.

Last Friday, my friends and I went to 4/5 pubs and most of us got drunk out of our minds. I was the slightly sober one besides a completely sober girl. So, it was really fun to get the drunk ones home, feeding them and watching them tumble and fumble.

Well, you see, I haven't been that free either to get a nice thought that brings me all the way to Blogville to blog about it. Otherwise, I intend to blog regularly, if not frequently.

See ya around!

Presonality Explorer

2008-01-17T19:09:00.000-06:00

I was working today and while I was using one of these windows explorers, this suddenly struck me. Personality Explorer. No.. not the idea of creating one. But just the way the whole thing works. It isn't so surprising to realise that there are lot of these around, already. You need URLs for that? Get out of here, geek!! I am not talking about the softwares.. I am talking about us. Don't we always explore and understand others? Ya.. ya.. thats what I am talking about. Isn't it interesting how this whole thing works?

Each of us have so many wide spread qualities in ourselves. Different degrees of those qualities and different varities... the permutations and combinations of those different qualities.. so on.. so on... and in the bigger picture - an endless deep structured personality.

We meet someone. We think we got them figured out. Then, we will learn something new when we meet them again. Some more next time. As time passes by, and you spend more time with them, you will see some more qualities. May not be the pleasant ones though [:)]. But till the last day of a person, I believe there is something new to see in them. Even if they don't have anything new, the situations and circumstances create whole lot of new unnamed folders and files in them. Then comes the problems, errors, system crashes.. Administrators, Technical Support, Formatting, Cleaning, Customizing... ah well.. its so bloody similar depending on which perspective are you looking at it from.

"Alright! What are you trying to say?" you might say. Well, I donnow. I guess where I am getting at is, its important for us to spend sometime exploring and knowing the other person well. Well enough so, if there is a problem, it can be repaired and fixed by themselves instead of calling a friend for help or Tech Support. You know what I mean? If you don't, you might want to consider a crash course buddy!! hehe..

Just a thought that flashed in my mind and I wanted to share it..
Ciao!

well...

2008-01-15T02:33:00.000-06:00

Its 2:35 AM and I can't sleep.. What do I do? I know.. I tried closing my eyes and sleeping.. no! Didn't work. Infact, I have been trying to sleep since last 2 hrs.. gwahh!! I need to goto work tomorrow too! I donnow what I will I be working on, but I am sure I will be working on staying awake.. phew!

Clock is ticking away and its 2:45 already. Can someone gimme some sleep? I dont have any!!

The Guy's Rules

2008-01-09T11:01:00.000-06:00

This came as a forward mail to me and I had to put it in my blog too. Read on!

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules, and please note they are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. Besides, it confuses us.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, don't ask us (see rule #1 on blackmail).

1. If something we said can be interpreted one of two ways and you chose the one that makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. We can only concentrate on one thing at a time.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

Thank you for reading this. I know most men that will pass this on to their women will probably end up sleeping on the couch tonight. But if you did't you know, men really don't mind that. It's like camping for us.

Random Thoughts

2008-01-07T16:26:00.000-06:00

Life... When one says life.. does it just boil down to the minute that we are living now? The breath that we are inhaling right now? Or is it the bigger picture of the journey ever since we are born and the 267863 emotions attached to it?

Today, I was wished by a stranger who was too reluctant to care for my response. I saw sparkles in a friend's eyes when I was enjoying at a party that she invited me to. A sister-like person asked me about my life with the interest from her heart and listented to it with so much care. Another laughed when I made a subtle funny comment. I spoke to a newly discovered friend on internet till 5 AM oneday. A friend was too worried about her broken heart and was sure that she can't make it out of it, though she said she could if she wanted to. Another friend was excited to share the news of his new car with me and another about his long trip to a new country. I sat at home on a nice evening, feeling like doing nothing and my newly bought camera stared at me with negligence. I laughed in myself when someone gave me a strong free advice, though he didn't know why the hell is it? I was bummed when I had nothing to do at work.

I walk past among hundred new faces and smile at my misery of being in a strangely new place. I felt happy when a friend told me that her long marriage just got better. I feel lot better to hear my mom & dad's voice when I call them, though I ask the same old question "How are you doing?." I smile when they want me to come back home.

Lastly, I made a blog out of some random things and felt funny that I totally confused you by making you think.. "so, what the hell is this all about?"

Burglers on the way!!

2007-12-24T11:22:00.000-06:00

While I was walking to work, I remembered a funny incident that happened few years ago and felt like sharing it.

After my graduation's final year exams were over I invited Rohan, a buddy of mine, to my village. We roamed around in the village and enjoyed for couple of days. I took him to my aunt's in next village one day. We stayed there till late evening and were getting ready to head back to my village. My aunt and uncle insisted on us staying there that night. But we rather chose to go back home. While we were almost getting ready to leave, then my aunt gives out the reason for asking us to stay back. That there were some looting incidents in the past, on the way we were to take home.

Rohan and I looked at each other. I looked at the bike we were to drive on: my dad's old Hero Honda CD100. We had a camera and a gold chain with each. Risk, it seemed. But it was no time to turn back. I said we were gonna be careful and said byes to my uncle and aunt. After driving few meters away from their home, Rohan (who usually is quite calculated in everything he does)
devised a strategy: I will drive with the maximum speed the bike could offer and he is going to watch out for someone who might stop us. We are going to stop for no one and nothing till we reach home. To add flavor to this situation, the roads in the village are quite broke and disgusting too. Well, we began!

It was a dark night and we are cruising on that bike. The ride was quite bumpy and our blood pumping fast. It was quite thrilling and exciting. Rohan spots someone far away and alarms me. We quickly realized it was nothing. The next 10 or so minutes were dark, quiet and only thing we could hear was our bike roaring at its top voice. We were almost near to my village and then it happened.

Our bike stopped with a sudden jerk as the back tire got stuck in a ditch. Overwhelmed and frightened, Rohan suspected it to be a trap and gave out his plan again: He gets off and pushes bike out of the bike and jumps on the back seat and I were to drive our Ferrari on in again. So we did.. Reached my home in few more minutes. We got off the bike and laughed our asses off for the next few minutes. What an exciting ride!! Mom and dad came out with our laughs and we told the story to them as well.. They joined the fun too.. Then mom gave out the actual story. It was not a loot that happened. Someone was ambushed and beat up in that road for an extra marital affair and that idiot explained to people that it was a loot.

Either way, it was one of the most exciting rides of my life. Cheers!

Reminiscences 2007

2007-12-21T13:30:00.000-06:00

This year is ending and wanted to quickly recap the past 12 months. What a ride...!

The year started off as I went screaming on top of my lungs "HAPPY NEW YEAR" with bunch of friends at my pent house in Hyderabad, while some of us were sober and some were drunk. It was a blast. The fun went on..

I spent almost 3 weeks in my village with my parents, cousins and relatives before I took off to my long stay in US. Went back to my city and bid my farewell to all my friends and the city itself which I wasn't gonna get back to for a longtime.

Then the next chapter, USA has begun with February. The long awaited change and the new life I wanted. The start off was quiet. Days went by as I stayed in few places: Washington DC, New Jersey, New York and then finally Minnesota. Apparently, Minnesota brought lot of color to my life :)

New friends, new hobbies, new places.. Before I even realized it, I have spent the last 7 months with lot of fun and activity. Camping, road trips, visiting, South Dakota, country side, cooking with friends, remote control boating, photography, lot of buying stuff.. to name a few! I never mentioned work, did I? I should mention it atleast for the friends I made at work. Andrew, Julie, Connie, Chris and few others.

Over all, 2007 is one of the significant years of my life so far.

Greetings!

2007-12-18T10:42:00.000-06:00

A greetings for the holidays and the New Year to all of you, through the photographs I took. Just wanted to make it personal, but I might have gone too personal there. :P

Oh yeah. If you didn't know by now, I am into Photography. A prime hobby of mine. If you wanted to see more of my amature work, go here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/anandgona

Once again, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you.

Don't click me!

2007-12-14T11:04:00.001-06:00

Life would be different if..

2007-12-06T20:18:00.000-06:00

Whenever there are some dance parties, I donnow why, I don't dance. I can't. I just stand aside with my hands folded, enjoying the joy of the people. There are some situations when people pull and push me onto the dance floor and make me do atleast one gig. Well, Akila pushed me onto the dance floor this time with the tagging thing. So I start..

Many of us often miss our past, or curse our past, or regret past. Many of us let the moment at our hand right now let just pass by. We dream of tomorrow to do something different, better. But tomorrow is just another today that passes by and life is not different. How would life be different??

Life would be different if... you want it to be different. You make to be different. Remember those childhood days where we have no care in the world except to play around, eat with mom, cry for things we need, say things just as they occur in our mind.. but we tend to loose that as we grow older.

But, what if we can retain those qualities. What if we can speak and be as pure as a kid can be? What if we don't know what are these taxes, economy, terrorism, relationship problems, life, career...? Even if we did, what if we can ignore them as a kid would do? Simple: Life would be different. As joyful, as cherishable and as memorable as our childhood is.

But again, it doesn't mean you have to ignore everything and be an actual kid. You will be named a retard then. This is idea is to be that kid that once you were, with those people and in those moments of life that you can be, to just make it different and enjoyable.

There! My move is over.

Confessions of a Desi Abroad

2007-12-04T13:31:00.000-06:00

I guess its part of the experience to make stupid mistakes in a new place. I have done one of those very recently and it triggered me to write this blog.

Fire Alarm
I am sure every desi has this happen to him atleast once. In the first month I was in US, I woke up on a weekend hungry and wanted to make an omlet. I don't know how it happened, but I generated enough smoke to activate both the fire alarms in my apartment. My roommate woke up with a "YOU ARE DYING IN MY HANDS TODAY" look. We opened the windows and managed to turn off the alarms. Good thing, they weren't connected to the local fire department.

Excuse: We don't have Smoke Detectors in India. Besides, I was just cooking.

Microwave Oven
Who would put eggs in a microwave to boil them? I did. :) Ofcourse, now that I know what happens, I won't anymore. But I once put eggs in the microwave oven to boil them. Despite my roommate saying that he heard someone saying not to put them. When I asked him why, he didn't know the reason. So, I was determined to either boil them or know the reason for not boiling them in microwave.

They blasted in the oven and spread all over the kitchen when the oven's door popped open. I looked at my roommate and went "Oh, thats why! Alright, get few more eggs and boil them on stove."

Excuse: Hey, don't look at me. I didn't do it. Its the stupid microwave.

Driving
When I was turning from a street, I turned into the wrong way on a two way road. There wasn't much traffic on that road and I didn't realize it until my friend reminded me of it.

Excuse: I am used to Left Hand drive. Can you let me go with a warning? :P

Dish Washer
This one happened recently. I never used/use dishwasher. Infact, I want to wash dishes by myself, as I like doing it. Besides, dishwashers can't do much good for the cooking I do. Recently, I bought whole set of cutlery and dinner set and wanted to wash all of them before I start using them. I looked at the dishwasher and thought "You need a job too right?" So, I put all the dishes in and put the regular dish washing soap (yikes)! I started the washer and went into bedroom.

By the time I was back, my kitchen floor was full of shiny, sparkly, foamy water... It took me a flash of a second to figure out what exactly had happened.

Excuse: I told you, I am better than the washer.

My Lady.. (continued)

2007-11-24T11:29:00.000-06:00

(Continuation to my thread My Lady...)

After a while, she turned around and saw me. I know she was right there. Standing in front of me. Without knowing who I am. Without being able to understand my search, my love, my dreams for her.. She was right there and I stood still. Hesitant to touch her or even say a word. I was afraid she was going to disappear again...

I greeted her gleefully.. She greeted me back with a surprised face. I told her I was there when she was telling her story. I said, it is only sensitive souls who can see love and grief, and it is a fortune to be able to experience both of them in this life. She smiled gently, looking down. She said, she wished she could go back to her life as it was before. I said, we live for today and not for yesterday. She looked at the setting sun for a while and said goodbye for that day. I smiled in response and nodded my head.

Hoping to see her next day, I have been there. She wasn't there. I waited till sunset. Few more sunsets passed and I saw her one day. She greeted me, still a stranger to her. I talked to her on few more days like that. One day she asked me about my story. I told her my travel stories, adventures, life.. I told her about the difficult and joyful times I have been through. The thing that interested her the most was my search for my love, my lady! After hearing me tell about my restless search for my lady, she sighed. Her eyes were wet with her past memories. She was silent for sometime. We continued talking.. Days went by as we met frequently. We became acquaintances in few days.

She often suffers from the pain of her lost love. As if life has no meaning for her anymore and she lost all the love in her life. I wanted to wipe her tears, hold her and tell her she has so much love around her. Whenever I made her feel better, she told me that I am a good person and 'my lady' would be very lucky. I felt like telling her many times that she was my lady and she was the woman of my dreams. But I didn't. I couldn't.

Days were passing. I started growing anxious... I was struggling within, whether to tell her about it or not. What if she doesn't understand it and gets upset about it. I didn't feel right at the same time to hide something in my heart. One day, when she asked me about my lady, I was telling about my dreams. Then I asked her what if she was my lady. She looked at me and said she could only wish she were. I stood in front of her, with my heart pounding, throat dry, moist eyes.. I told her she was my lady. I told how many places I have been looking for her. I told her how much I missed her. I told her everything as it was. She was quiet. But not inside. She didn't speak for sometime. Then she said, its unbelievable for her. Her eyes questioning me, how can it be real? I was still standing in front of her, and my eyes answer her with all the honesty as they could that it is real. But her eyes saw me as a demon. A demon came to disturb her and hurt her more. I told her she doesn't have to be hurt and feel bad about it. And that I dreamed about her my entire life and couldn't keep from telling her when I finally met her. She still looked at me in uncertainty. I stood there quiet for some more time and I walked away, giving her some alone time. I didn't see her there for few more days.

My fears of her being disturbed about this came true. But I had to make an attempt to make my life. I did what I could and now I have to give her what she needs the most. Time. It is time for me to start on my journey again. I might come back to this Garden again. Or she might come looking for me. Or she might be gone. But she will always be there with me in my dreams, my thoughts. A pleasant thought passed through my mind. The thought of I being able to spend sometime with her all these days. The fresh, clean breezes of the morning and the orange soothing sun rise calmed me and promised me of the good day ahead. I headed to the garden to see her one last time and head on my way...

Wong Fu Productions

2007-11-22T22:11:00.000-06:00

I donnow how many of you are familiar with this name, but the name it self makes me chuckle. Wong Fu Productions is a team of 3 guys from US who does these very very good short movies. I first saw a funny video made by them called Yellow Fever. Its pretty funny. Then I came across another short series by them called Just A Nice Guy which is another amazing short series by them. Its something any normal guys can connect to. It hit me the most.. hehe!

Ever since, I kept following thier shorts and other blogs.. They are sure very creative and make lot of interesting stuff!

Well, thats all for now and just wanted to introduce this fun team to you guys.

See ya later!

New day.. new life...

2007-11-17T22:37:00.000-06:00

Within few hours, I will step into my 25th year of adventures of life. Unless we stop and actually think about it, we wouldn't realise that on every fraction of second, we enter new moments of life. brand new moments.. What we do in that new second can be something new and significant, or it can just be another silent normal second of past.

Some significant milestones of that time remind us of how new those moments are. Midnight of December 31 and Birthday are two of those important moments. The joy of that new year passing by is amazing.. we scream, we jump in joy and the celebration follows. May that madness and joy continue for every new month, every new day, every new moment...

Many many returns of the day for those who celebrate thier birthday today and also for those who celebrate life everyday!

...for Life!

2007-11-11T15:10:00.000-06:00

I stand on one side of the thick dark forest.. on the other side stands my life. I have to be careful to reach there. But I don't know how long can my life wait for me.. I can slowly creep through the bushes, cut through the trees, hide from the beasts, travel through it gathering some food, taking the rest I need.. Well, that could take a long time.. What if the very life I am risking all this for isn't there anymore by the time I get there? Sure, I am safe through the journey.. but I wouldn't get what I have set out on for..

The other way is, to take a deep breath, buckle up my waist belt, tighten my shoes, cover my face.. and just run through it with swords out.. run towards life.. cuts, scratches, tripping, tiredness.. I might barely make it with all that. But when I get to the other side and see my life.. its worth the run! Possible, there might not be anything when I reach there. But I had given the needed effort for it.

I made up my will and got ready to what I have to. I look into the thick dark forest.. hear the roars and howls of the wild.. draw my swords.. tighten my shoes.. take a deep breath.. and run for it...

Countless moments of courage, beating everything on its way, I reach the other side.. A thud! I fall unconscious on the ground as I take my last step out from the forest. My excited blood slowly starts to calm down and lighten me up. I recover to conscious gradually, smiling at my mad bravery and my love for life.. And I feel the pleasant bliss of making the attempt to get to my life.. I lay there, my eyes closed, trying to feel the presence of my life...

Sigur Rós - Glósóli

2007-11-06T20:25:00.001-06:00

I came across this amazing video song and I wanted to share the blog as is from: http://elephantparade.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/glosoli

"Another amazing song from the band Sigur Ros ( deep rooted in my life). This is the video of the song i came across on you tube. Listening to this song and reviewing the video in my mind as i connect to those divine beats, Glosoli is one of the finest rock/post rock songs ever composed. i had the sudden urge to share the video and the song with my readers, so here it is. Ladies and Gentlemen, Sigur Ros. Peace."

says elephantparade.

Lazy Day at work!

2007-11-06T16:29:00.000-06:00

Its been couple of hours since I am at my desk and trying to stay awake. I have work to finish, but I am bored and lazy to do it. So, I am being a sloth. Some audio to be edited.. some interactivity to be developed.. some template to be fixed... But wait. Thats what I do most of the days. Why so lazy today? The guy next to me seems to be too busy typing something away on his keyboard. People are roaming around busy with their notepads. I am yawning my way and going.. "jeee.. is it just me?"

I lean back on the chair and stare at the ceiling for few moments. Then I think of what I would have been doing if I weren't here at work getting bored. May be I would go on a road trip.. no, wait.. may be hiking. Beach, may be? But isn't it too cold out for doing all that? Well.. let me think.. If I was still going to college, I would be in the back bench teasing one of the mates or imitating the lecturer. Ahh.. those college days! I would certainly be doing that.

I sigh realizing that I am out in the world already and am a corporate slave now. I yawn and stretch my arms to get rid of some laziness atleast.. Just then Jack comes from the back saying "hey... someone needs waking up, huh?"

I smile and turn to answer his query.

...zzzZZZ
Lazy Today

My Lady...

2007-11-02T19:50:00.001-05:00

I see her when I goto the gardens of expression. I see her when I goto the calm sea shores.. Walking in her way, engrossed in her life, with shadows of past following her...

I hear her stories of life when she narrates them. I feel her emotions when she silently mourns.. I hear the songs for her love when she sings graciously walking around...

I stand far from her and admire her spirit and her beauty. The wind is hesitant to carry them to her...

My quest for her was never ending. I looked through darkness, light, myst, snow, winds... Every place I have been to, every soul I came by.. gave me the hints that she was right there and I should keep looking. She wasn't to be found. I rest and she would be right there. Right there in my dreams... running her fingers through my hair and whispering in my ears... I saw her there, then.. so beautiful, so thoughtful, so passionate, so loving, so sensitive... I looked into her eyes admiring her soul.. I tried to touch her cheek... and she disappeared!! I woke up and felt the fragrance of her thoughts. I knew she was right there. I went around looking for her again... Its been days.. its been months.. years. Her dreams made her familiar to me every time. But not even a bit closer to her.

On a beautiful day, I saw a garden. A garden of people.. some walking around, some singing, some sharing their stories, some listening to those stories.. Then I felt the fragrance. The same fragrance of her, my lady. My heart missed a beat and it started pumping faster. I looked for her and there she was, sitting near a water fountain.. staring into the water. I stood there and waited for her to see me. She was lost, lost in her thoughts, heavy longing gazes..

Then she started sharing her story to those around her. I stood aside and listened to her saying. The way she speaks her emotions, her life, passion, love, grief, pain.. I stood there spellbound. Then, it was sunset. One by one, people kept leaving. She stayed and started walking around with a relief. She didn't seemed to notice my presence. She started enjoying the cold, fresh breeze of the evening with her eyes closed and hands raised.. her loose hair waves delicately to the breeze and she starts singing. Songs for her lost love.

After a while, she turned around and saw me. I looked into her eyes admiring her soul.. so beautiful, so thoughtful, so passionate, so loving, so sensitive... I wanted to touch her cheeks... wipe those tears... I know she was right there. Standing in front of me. Without knowing who I am. Without being able to understand my search, my love, my dreams for her.. She was right there and I stood still. Hesitant to touch her or even say a word. I was afraid she was going to disappear again.

Chagan Desi - Life Style

2007-10-25T20:57:00.000-05:00

Now it is that I have given an introduction to desis, let me give you a deeper analysis of me and my fellow chagans.

For the most part, desis live in groups. Atleast 3 to 4 people in an apartment. Masters of the art "Saving Dollars", they continue to break and bend their living to save the most of their earnings. I am not kidding when I say I know many people who live just in 400-450$ per month. That includes rent, commuting, groceries and additional expenses. Are you wondering why do they save so much? Trust me.. I have no clue either. Most of them send that money back home, which becomes a lot in indian currency. (1 USD = 38+ Inidan Rupees)

Now, what do they do in weekends and for recreation? Well... I will put it in my desi neighbour's words. I came across him last Friday:

"Hey man, how is it going?"
"Life sucks men."
"Why? What happened?"
"Can't go out anywhere. It sucks man. No car.. no life here. India is much better."
"hmm ya. You know what? I am going out with few friends for a paintball game. Do you want to go?"
"No men, I want to stay at home. I have some work."

Ya right. This gentleman doesn't even ask me which day I am going, when are the timings, how long is the game for? For me, it seemed as he just wanted to sit on his bum all the weekend at home and spend any bucks. No no! Don't think that I am making quick conclusions. I almost got the same reply for all the invitations that I made so far and same response about his life every time.

Needless to say what desis do for pastime. Sit home and criticize Americans, their adherence to rules, their life style and so on..

"men.. these fools stop for red signs even when there is no one on the roads."
"this life is waste men. they all live alone."
"what men? they want me to sign a lease? pch.. India is better.."
"what men.. rental office sent a notice to us to vacate?!"
(Thats right idiot. Thats because 3 out of 4 in your flat are not on the lease officially.)

There are some other brave souls who are living here since ages in different places, but don't have any rental history yet. No Kidding! I come across so many of them who keep cursing the life here and the people here. If its bothering you so much, why don't you get back to where you came from, chagan? Ohh right! You love the dollars, don't ya!

Ok, though I don't do it so obsessively, I understand that people do need to save some bucks for tomorrow. But when you came so far for that, why don't you take advantage of being in a new place? Haven't you heard of the Rome-roman saying, chagan? "Be a Roman when in Rome." Atleast talk to one, learn more about them, go out.. interact with them.

I keep on going about this subject if you let me. So, I would like to stop it here for today. More to come folks..

Respectfully.

Bloody Donation!!

2007-10-23T19:09:00.001-05:00

No, its not a typo... I really meant bloody donation! I like the idea of donating blood and did few times in past. I was so excited when I saw that sign for "Donate Blood on so so date" at work. I have been to the person who was sitting at that sign on that so so date.

"Hi! I would like to donate my blood."
"Sure. Did you register for this?"
"No! I just walked in."
"Oh, I am sorry. You are supposed to register."
(Well, the bloody sign doesn't say so???)
"Oh is it? Its alright. Thanks"

I went back not so happy. I also threw them a suggestion to put up some more information about it next time. Instructions to register, and with whom.

Couple of months passed. There was the sign again. This time, they had the details about whom we can sign-up with and all. I was delighted and registered myself. Asked if there is anything I need to know. Just was told to show up at the given time. Today was the scheduled day for donating my blood.

Been to the counter and gave my name. Singed in. I am in the counter where they grab my details first:

"Hello. Come in. Do you have appointment?"
"Yes I do."
"Good. I will need to fill your details first. Whats your name?"
"Blah blah."
"Are you a citizen of USA?"
"No."
"How long have you been here..?"
"Its been 9 months..."
"Oh.. ah.. ok. Which country are you from?"
"India"
"I am sorry sir. But you have to stay here for atleast 3 years to donate blood."
(BLOODY HELL!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?)

"Oh! I didn't know that. Alright. Thanks!"

No blames on anyone nor on the rules. Being in such responsible jobs, they have got some rules to follow. But I was pissed with what happened to me. I just wanted to help out someone by donating my blood goddamn it! I am turned down twice?

When I donated blood last time in India, I walked in with a colleague of mine, whose mother's surgery was planned. They needed O+ve and I said I will donate some blood. Asked me for few details and took my blood and I was back to my day. And here today... It happens like this... FORGET IT! No one here is getting a single drop of my blood.. even if I live here for 237 more years.