this january 31st marks my 5 years in the States. this journey brought so many things into my life. excitements, happiness, peace, friendships, learning, opportunities, diversity, knowledge, conflicts, discrimination, sadness, nostalgia, identity, awareness.. and countless other things. i've traveled over 70,000 miles (110,000 kms). i've seen most beautiful, serene landscapes, and breathing taking views. i met, have known, made friends with a wide variety of diverse people. while doing so, i've drawn lot of inner conflict from my family, my roots that i've started to grow apart from.
the pressures from home have become relentless. all the compelling urges to move back, to help balance my family, to be close to them, to make my parents happy.. they made me restless. at this very time, came the time for extension of my visa (which should be a smooth sail). the confrontation was unavoidable. after much deliberate thought, i am beginning to see the symbiosis of life in an all new perspective.
when i left home five years ago, i hadn't carried my life over with me along on this journey. i simply paused my life (my friendships, family relationships and travelling adventures in India), leaving it in a state to be resumed. bringing along that life with me on this journey was monumentally impossible. since this journey began, i have been living a new different life. only after an year or two, my life back home started squirming for attention. i had hoped i will be able to merge these two lives someday. my every attempt to bring them together, ended in repelling friction. like bringing two magnets together in wrong directions. they pushed each other away with a great, invisible force. as time went by, it became really apparent that it is impossible to bring them together. i was in denial. and the confrontation to choose between was inevitable. if i shut my eyes, and ask myself which one to choose, the answer comes screaming to me: to go home, and to resume my life in India. when i open my eyes, though, i get conflicting answers.
but this conflict has gone on long enough, and i must choose. so, i am choosing. choosing wholeheartedly. to go back home. doing so, i realize i will be spinning one of the magnets a 180, and they should fling together (if my understandings of life are any true). i look forward to being close to family, friendships, opportunities, travelling my lands, festivals, food, the chaos, starting the ground work for my school idea.. and occasional visits from the friends i made in the new world.
speak of new year and the changes it brings eh? this decision will be tested, as i work through selling the house, car and possessions, leave a really great job, leave all the amazing friends i made here, leave all the wonderful landscapes.. as i take this grand turn in my life, i hope for the best.
to life, and its resolutions. cheers!
the pressures from home have become relentless. all the compelling urges to move back, to help balance my family, to be close to them, to make my parents happy.. they made me restless. at this very time, came the time for extension of my visa (which should be a smooth sail). the confrontation was unavoidable. after much deliberate thought, i am beginning to see the symbiosis of life in an all new perspective.
when i left home five years ago, i hadn't carried my life over with me along on this journey. i simply paused my life (my friendships, family relationships and travelling adventures in India), leaving it in a state to be resumed. bringing along that life with me on this journey was monumentally impossible. since this journey began, i have been living a new different life. only after an year or two, my life back home started squirming for attention. i had hoped i will be able to merge these two lives someday. my every attempt to bring them together, ended in repelling friction. like bringing two magnets together in wrong directions. they pushed each other away with a great, invisible force. as time went by, it became really apparent that it is impossible to bring them together. i was in denial. and the confrontation to choose between was inevitable. if i shut my eyes, and ask myself which one to choose, the answer comes screaming to me: to go home, and to resume my life in India. when i open my eyes, though, i get conflicting answers.
but this conflict has gone on long enough, and i must choose. so, i am choosing. choosing wholeheartedly. to go back home. doing so, i realize i will be spinning one of the magnets a 180, and they should fling together (if my understandings of life are any true). i look forward to being close to family, friendships, opportunities, travelling my lands, festivals, food, the chaos, starting the ground work for my school idea.. and occasional visits from the friends i made in the new world.
speak of new year and the changes it brings eh? this decision will be tested, as i work through selling the house, car and possessions, leave a really great job, leave all the amazing friends i made here, leave all the wonderful landscapes.. as i take this grand turn in my life, i hope for the best.
to life, and its resolutions. cheers!
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Before you post any comments, just thought I'd let you know that I know swear words in 4 different languages.